I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye: A Memoir of Loss, Grief, and Love

In this deeply emotional memoir, a longtime ESPN writer reflects on the suicide of his son Max and delves into how their complicated relationship led him to see grief as love.

In February 2015, Ivan Maisel received a call that would alter his life forever: his son Max's car had been found abandoned in a parking next to Lake Ontario. Two months later, Max's body would be found in the lake.

There’d been no note or obvious indication that Max wanted to harm himself; he’d signed up for a year-lo...