Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution

by Lynn Toler

Overview

As the judge starring on the hit nationally syndicated television show Divorce Court, Lynn Toler witnesses, en masse, the thematic mistakes made in American marriages. She herself has also been wed for 22 years and has seen both the highs and lows of matrimony in her own marriage as well as the marriages of those close to her. While the national divorce rate hovers around the 50% threshold, there is a lot of chatter that marriage as we know it is an outdated institution—that we are too selfish, too unwilling to make sacrifices, and too misguided by elevated expectations of happiness to make marriage work.

While these points may hold some validity, a lot of this chatter is nothing new. So what's causing so many divorces and, perhaps even more importantly, what are we to do about it if we want marriage to survive? Drawing from both her professional career and personal life, Toler sees that the biggest impediment to marriage these days is that couples decide to take the plunge based almost entirely on the most irrational criteria: falling in love.

Making Marriage Work doesn't suggest that love has nothing to do with marriage at all; rather, Toler says that love by itself is simply not enough to make marriages survive. This book is a logical and simple guide to reintroducing some of the practicality of marriage that has leaked out of it over the years.

Marriage, Toler says, is a job, and it needs to be treated like one. However, the makeup and consistency of this job has changed so much over the past few decades that the old rules no longer apply. Making Marriage Work is an updated manual to help get the job of marriage done right in this day and age. It suggests specific procedures that should be put in place to bridge the gap between head over heels and happily ever after. It explains how to phrase things in order to span the great hormonal divide men and women often fall into when trying to talk to one another. It also discusses the very new and real challenges to marriage created in a culture often overwhelmed by the emphasis on (and ability to attain) instant gratification.

Replete with simple, no-nonsense rules, Divorce Court anecdotes, and stories about Judge Toler's own union, Making Marriage Work contains invaluable information couples can use today to secure their marital tomorrow.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781932841657
Publisher:	Agate
Publication date:	08/14/2012
Edition description:	Original
Pages:	224
Sales rank:	157,510
Product dimensions:	6.14(w) x 8.80(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Lynn Toler, a veteran municipal court judge, is the star of the syndicated TV show Divorce Court. Her previous book, My Mother's Rules was published by Agate Bolden in 2007.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 It Was Never There 1

Chapter 2 I Have Already Made That Mistake 11

Chapter 3 What To Do Before You Say "I Do" 21

Chapter 4 Red Flags and Warning Signs 41

Chapter 5 Now What? 57

Chapter 6 Communication 101 69

Chapter 7 Ladies and Gentlemen 79

Chapter 8 Money Matters 91

Chapter 9 The Other People: In-Laws, Steps, and Those Who Shall Remain Nameless 103

Chapter 10 Off the Road 115

Chapter 11 Falling 123

Chapter 12 What To Do Before You Say "I Don't" 133

Chapter 13 The Fourth Quarter 145

About the Author 149

Editorial Reviews

PRAISE FOR LYNN TOLER AND HER PREVIOUS BOOK MY MOTHER'S RULES:

“Easy-reading prose and a no-nonsense approach will carry readers through this collection of anecdotes and rules for healthier living...the book's strength lies in the sober, no-nonsense advice." —Publishers Weekly

"[An] awe-inspiring memoir and self-help guide." —Ebony

"My Mother's Rules reveals the complicated life of 47-year-old Toler...and it shines a light on the humble life of Toni Toler, a Columbus stay-at-home mom whom the judge praises as 'an incredible emotional manager.'" —Cleveland Plain Dealer

"Toler makes Divorce Court work by employing her past experience as an Administrative Judge in Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. She also uses lessons she learned from her mother, who she said was 'tremendous at understanding people's emotions.'" —Jet

"Toler's verdicts [are] homespun wisdom dispensed with a cut-the-bull edge. She [is] as likely to cite her mother's advice as she [is] a precedent-setting decision." —Cleveland Scene

"Toler’s humor and wit are some of the characteristics that fans of [Divorce Court] will pick up on quickly - her no-nonsense human sensibilities are another. Something very endearing about the judge is her perceptive nature for the different types of issues and people that come through her studio courtroom." —Kenya M. Yarbrough, EURWeb.com

From the Publisher