Massie Block: The holidays are just around the corner, and the only thing Massie doesn't want for Christmas is a lip-kiss from her ninth-grade crush, Landon. Not that she'd ever admit it, but she's nervous! To distract herself, Massie focuses on getting revenge on Claire for ditching the Pretty Committee. But when the plan to bug her ex-BFF backfires big-time, she may find herself headed for a Merry Kissmass-whether she likes it or not.
Alicia Rivera: Promised her parents she wouldn't shop at awl between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her reward? An all-expenses-paid trip to the Spanish Riviera. But what happens when she sees the cuh-yutest pair of Ralph Lauren sunglasses? No pain, no Spain.
Dylan Marvil: After going overboard at the Westchester Mall, Dylan isn't worried about the size of her clothes . . . but she is worried about the size of her clothing budget. Cuh-redit denied!
Kristen Gregory: Is sick of being the only poor girl in Westchester. But misery loves company, and maybe, just maybe, she won't be the only broke member of the Pretty Committee for long. . . .
Claire Lyons: When Massie scares off her new drama friends with a fake-lice scare, Claire decides she's done letting Massie bully her. The alpha may have exterminated Claire's social life, but what goes around comes around. The raid is on, and it won't be over until the fat ladybug sings.
The Clique . . . the only thing harder than getting in is staying in.
About the Author
Lisi lives in Laguna Beach, California.
Read an Excerpt
The Clique #13: My Little Phony
By Harrison, Lisi
PoppyCopyright © 2010 Harrison, Lisi
All right reserved.
Friday, December 5th
“I love getting stoned,” Massie Block sighed happily from one of the three massage tables set up in her family’s barn-spa. Heated stones lay on her back, radiating warmth through her entire body like she’d just downed three soy caramel lattes.
“If we were in school right now, we’d be in third-period French,” Kristen Gregory mumbled through the face hole in her massage table. The stones lined her spine like stegosaurus plates.
“J’adore snow days,” trilled Alicia Rivera, lying on her back at the end of the row, her long, dark brown hair fanned out behind her head. Her masseuse, Amber, spritzed her with Evian mineral water.
“Oui, oui,” Kristen agreed.
“Woof!” Bean chimed in from her own mini massage bed.
“Tatiana, how do you say ‘snow day’ in Russian?” Massie asked innocently.
“Shhhhh,” hissed Tatiana. “Talking eees naht relaaacksing. Jash theenk abut a bee-yoo-ti-ful snoh-flok.”
Tatiana claimed to be “frahmm RAH-shah,” but Massie had a feeling her accent was about as real as Heidi Pratt’s new body. Not that it mattered. Her hands were pure gold. And with all those rocks lined up on her back, Massie felt like the black diamond stretch bracelet on her Christmas list: relaxed, beautiful, and almost a million bucks.
Massie turned her head to look out the barn’s sophisticated yet rustic plate-glass windows. It had snowed more than two feet the night before. The patios were dusted with shimmery powder, and the trees sparkled in the early December sun. It looked as though the MAC fairy had sprinkled pearly White Frost eye shadow over the entire Block estate and then blown it a kiss with her Sugarrimmed Dazzleglass–coated lips.
“CLAAAAAAAAAAAAIRE!” Layne Abeley’s gravelly voice boomed from outside.
“AHHHHH! I’ve been hit!”
Outside, a body slammed against the barn wall, and the spa shook. A high-pitched giggle followed.
“Eh-ma-annoying!” Massie flipped over, her heated stones tumbling to the floor. Her ex-BFF, Claire Lyons, had been squealing and giggling with her new friends all afternoon. Leave it to Claire to find the only ninth-grade girls who thought snowball fights were more fun than high school gossip. It was a total waste of an upgrade.
“Eeeen-hayel the soo-theeng ah-rom-ah,” Tatiana instructed, guiding Massie back down to the table and replacing the rocks. Spicy steam startled Massie’s pores as the masseuse kneaded the tension from her shoulders. But it was a lost cause. No amount of eucalyptus-infused steam could ease the pain of Claire ditching the Pretty Committee for Layme Abeley and two fourteen-year-old theater geeks.
Suddenly, the barn’s wooden door flew open. Dylan Marvil rushed in, along with an arctic blast of air. Snowflakes speckled the back of her black cashmere coat like dandruff. Her white-mittened hands grasped the handles of a dozen brightly colored shopping bags, and her cheeks were as red as her hair.
“Where’ve you been?” Alicia sat up, pressing a fluffy green towel against her C-cups.
“Shooooooooooooooppping!” Dylan burped. She set down a cardboard tray full of venti Starbucks hot chocolates and wiped her brown-stache with the back of her mitten. A cocoa-colored skid mark cut across the cashmere. “Ooops!” she shrugged. “Good thing I got a new pair. I cleaned out Neiman’s, Juicy, and Michael Kors. Snow-day shopping is the best.”
“Point-t-t-t,” Alicia agreed through chattering teeth.
Massie pressed a button on a sleek silver remote. A second later, the electric fire in the stone fireplace ignited.
Dylan tossed her stained mittens into the hungry flames and then shook her crimson locks.
“Nice lice, Dyl!” Kristen cackled. Alicia snickered, her freshly manicured toes dangling just above the heated tile floor.
As Dylan whirled back toward them, her Brazilian blowout whipped around her face. “Don’t even joke! When Megan Lambert got lice, her friends scattered like roaches in a Raid storm.” She stuck her butt out to warm it in the fire’s glow.
“Nyyyetttttt!” Tatiana let out a yelp as one of the rocks bounced against her toe. “Off! Off!” she insisted, waving Kristen and Alicia to their feet. With a grimace, she nodded at the other masseuses, who quickly folded up their tables, packed up their oils, picked up their rocks, and followed her out into the cold afternoon.
“Danke very much,” Massie called after them sweetly, putting on a fluffy white robe.
The three women responded by slamming the barn door shut.
“Isn’t danke German?” Kristen giggled.
“Oh, whatevs,” Massie shrugged. “They dan-kare.” She padded over to Dylan’s pile of bags and pulled out a baby blue cashmere hat with earflaps and tassels. It looked like something Kuh-laire would wear. With a wince, she dropped it back in the bag. “You really did buy everything.”
“I maxed out my card,” Dylan admitted. “But it was totally worth it. I got open-toed booties in faux leopard and faux cheetah.”
“Ohhh,” Alicia whine-pouted. “I’m faux jealous.” Her shoulders were covered with spiderweb-like indentations from lying down on the massage table. “I can’t buy anything right now. My parents told me they would send me to the Spanish Riviera for a week if I didn’t shop from Thanksgiving to Christmas.” She buried her nose inside Dylan’s Saks bag and inhaled a Ralph Lauren sweater-coat. “Ahhhh! It’s better than new puppy smell.”
Bean lifted her little black head and growled.
“She was only kidding, B,” Massie assured her pup, applying a coat of Pineapple Spice Glossip Girl to the pug’s mouth. The pug licked it off and then sneezed. “My parents would never shop-block me.”
“Must be nice,” Kristen said with a frown.
“It is,” Massie beamed.
Three snowballs hit the windows, slithering down the glass like snot. A peal of high-pitched laughter followed the barrage. Kristen and Alicia threw on thick robes, and the four girls raced to the windows.
Claire, dressed in a My Little Pony cap and a bright red puffy coat, was pelting snowballs at Layne and their new friends—a willowy blonde and a petite brunette.
“They’re ruining my snow!” Massie stared at the once pristine yard, which was now covered with LBR boot prints.
“Cheap footwear leaves the most horrible tracks,” Dylan sighed. “Like the abdominal snowman.”
“You mean abominable snowman,” Kristen corrected.
Dylan pinched some snow off her fluffy hood and dropped it onto Kristen’s head. “Takes one to know one.”
“Ew, lice!” Alicia giggled, pointing at Kristen’s scalp. “Let’s go before we catch it,” she joked, backing away.
Massie drew an X on the foggy window, her finger squeaking on the pane. “It’s too bad we can’t give Claire lice. Maybe her ah-nnoying friends would leave.”
The girls jumped back as another round of snowballs smacked into the barn.
Todd dashed in front of the window and bowed, proud to claim responsibility for the latest round.
Massie whipped her iPhone out of her robe pocket. “Unless…”
“Is there a lice app?” Kristen asked, twisting her damp hair into a sloppy bun.
“I wish,” Massie smirked, her breath clouding the window as she coaxed her brain into constructing the ultimate plan—a plan that would accomplish her sinister goal without implicating her sinister mind. Seven breath clouds later, she had it. And sent an urgent text to Claire’s younger brother.
Massie: Come 2 the barn ay-sap. Impt.
The message had been sent. Seconds later, Todd and his best friend, Tiny Nathan, appeared in the doorway. Todd looked like a freckled Buzz Lightyear in his puffy white-and-green snowsuit. Nathan resembled a poo in his three-sizes-too-big brown snow pants and matching hooded coat.
Todd sniffled. “You wanna join our team?” He pulled off his hood. His orange hair was spiked with sweat. “We’re called Big Balls.”
Nathan giggled. And then Todd giggled. And then Nathan giggled some more.
“No, this is nawt about joining your—”
Massie’s iPhone buzzed.
Kristen: ??? R U doing?
Alicia: ??? Does this have 2 do w lice?
Dylan: Ha! Big balls.
Massie: Quit bugging me. Trust me.
Massie reached for the pack of Mango Surf–flavored Orbit sticking out of Dylan’s purse and popped a piece in her mouth. She bit down, recalling the satisfying flavor that squishing the competition usually left in her mouth. “I just learned a new massage technique that I’m dying to try on someone. It’s supposed to increase scalp circulation and prevent hair from sweating.” Massie waved away the imaginary smell coming from Todd’s head.
Alicia and Kristen exchanged confused looks. Dylan snatched the pack of gum out of Massie’s hand and stuffed four pieces in her mouth.
“Why didn’t you try it out on Kristen, then?” Tiny Nathan pointed out.
Dylan blew her a glossy you’re welcome kiss.
Todd’s eyes darted between the two girls in confusion.
“So whaddaya say?” Massie asked Todd, putting the attention back where it belonged. “Wanna give it a try?”
“Oh. Okay.” Todd hopped up onto the couch and lay down. Tiny Nathan promptly pulled out his cell phone and started angling for a photo.
Kristen shrugged her athletic shoulders. Alicia finger-combed her dark locks to glossy perfection. And Dylan peeled a flattened gum-bubble off the tip of her nose.
Massie’s friends were the best that Octavian Country Day had to offer. Still, without Claire she felt emptier than Beyoncé after the forty-day master cleanse. But when betas defected to other crews, alphas didn’t beg them to come back. They drove the betas further away. And if a little brother got hurt in the process, so be it.
“Here I go.” Massie held her breath, stuck her hand into Todd’s matted locks, and gingerly began rubbing his head. Who knew when he’d last washed it? She made a mental note to Purell before eating.
“I can feel it working,” Todd muttered into the ecru linen cushion. After a few minutes, his breath became regular and heavy.
Kristen inched closer to Massie and mouthed, What are you doing?
Watch, Massie mouthed back. Then she fake-coughed and “accidentally” spit her gum onto Todd’s head. It disappeared inside a mass of red curls.
“Oh no!” she cried, quickly working the wad into his hair. “My gum!”
Todd’s head popped up. “Whhhaa?”
Tiny Nathan looked up from his phone and burst out laughing.
Massie widened her eyes in what she hoped looked like horror—and innocence. “Ehmagawd. I’m sooo sorry.”
Todd stuck his hand up and felt his sticky, artificially flavored Mango Surf–encrusted locks. “I’ve been gummed!”
Kristen and Dylan snorted back giggles. Alicia tightened the belt of her robe.
“It’s almost the same color as your hair. Maybe you should just leave it,” Tiny Nathan suggested. “You could stick stuff to it, like paper clips and things.”
Todd felt around the back of his head for the gum clump. “True.”
Massie shook her head vigorously. “No, no, no. We can’t leave it there. It’s dangerous. It can”—her eyes landed on Tiny Nathan—“stunt a person’s growth.”
In a flash, Todd sat up. His gummy hair stood up from his head like the Statue of Liberty’s crown.
“Ooookay,” Massie sighed. “There’s really only one thing to do.” She padded to the spa bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Inside was the silver-plated electric razor her dad kept in the cedar-planked room. She clutched it in her Essie Mint Candy Apple–manicured hands and returned to the main room, where Kristen, Alicia, and Dylan had settled on the couch, watching Todd like he was a monkey at the zoo.
“Now, not everyone can pull off the bald look. But you have such great bone structure….” She held up the shaver and slid the button up to HIGH. The buzzing sound filled the room.
Todd stared at it, wide-eyed. “You want to shave my head?”
“No,” Massie nodded seriously. “I have to.”
The PC gasped. Todd’s mouth hung slightly slack. Tiny Nathan took out his cell phone and pressed RECORD.
“Think about it. Bald men are so…” She looked at her friends for help.
“Hawt!” Alicia added quickly. “Like, look at Bruce Willis.”
“Isn’t he dead?” Dylan asked.
“Britney Spears did it,” Kristen pointed out.
“So did Mr. Potato Head!” Dylan added helpfully.
Massie clicked to the Mirror app on her iPhone and held it up for Todd. “Think about how tough you’ll look.”
“And I’ll be so much more aerodynamic!”
Tiny Nathan ran over and gave Todd a high five. “We can beat our luge time!”
Massie’s high-glossed lips curved into a Cheshire cat grin. She held the buzzing shaver out in front of her. “Ready?”
Bean darted under the couch.
Todd nodded and sat down on a bamboo stool.
Kristen’s jaw dropped.
Dylan let out a shocked belch.
Alicia twirled her diamond studs at top speed.
With one last glance at her friends, Massie lowered the blade. A tendril of bright red hair fluttered to the floor like an autumn leaf. And then another, and another. The buzzing blades mowed easily through the orange glob of gum. She carved a path right down the middle of his scalp. Then she made another path right next it, first on the left, and then another on the right. More and more hair dropped down onto Todd’s skinny shoulders and then onto the camel-colored leather massage table.
“Looks like a motocross track,” Tiny Nathan marveled, lifting his camera.
Alicia covered her eyes.
Massie pictured each tuft of hair as one of Claire’s new friends. And with each strand she lopped off, she felt more and more like the Queen of Hearts, cutting off traitors’ heads in the name of control.
Todd hopped off the stool and hurried toward the mirror opposite the fireplace. He sucked in his cheeks, unzipped his snowsuit, and popped the insulated collar. “You’re right,” he nodded at his reflection. “I do have a beautifully shaped skull.” He winked at his reflection, then rubbed the top of his head.
The Pretty Committee giggled into their eucalyptus-scented palms. They weren’t privy to the intricate details of Massie’s plan but were entertained by its execution nonetheless.
“Let’s hit that luge course again!” shouted Tiny Nathan. He punched his tiny fist in the air.
“Wait!” Massie stopped Todd by the door. “It’s too cold to go out without hair.” She reached into one of Dylan’s shopping bags and took out the baby blue cashmere Claire hat.
“Hey,” Dylan protested.
Massie silenced her with a glare. Then she tore off the tag with her teeth, put the hat on Todd’s head, and pulled the flaps over his ears. “Perfect. I actually got it for Kuh-laire. So make sure you give it to her when you’re done.”
Todd nodded that he would, the tassels bouncing around his chin. Massie picked up Dylan’s tray of hot chocolates and handed them to him. “Take these, too, for her friends.”
“Hey!” Dylan hissed. “Why are you doing that?”
“I’ll get you another hat,” Massie whisper-promised.
“I’m talking about the hot chocolates,” Dylan frowned.
“Let it go,” Massie narrowed her amber-colored eyes, arched one expertly plucked eyebrow, and peered out the window. Outside, Claire and her friends were innocently tending to an ill-proportioned snowman. A snowman that, thanks to Massie’s ingenuity, would be on the Block Estate longer than they ever would. Because now, it was only a matter of time….
She opened the barn door and sent Todd and Tiny Nathan back into the cold. The Pretty Committee shrank from the sudden chill that swept in, but Massie faced the freezing temperature, heated by the promise of victory. A promise that warmed her more than a back loaded with hot rocks ever could.
CURRENT STATE OF THE UNION
Excerpted from The Clique #13: My Little Phony by Harrison, Lisi Copyright © 2010 by Harrison, Lisi. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Massie and Claire are at war after Massie required the Pretty Committee to ditch their crushes and upgrade. Claire refused to give up Cam. Instead, she found a couple of ninth grade girls to replace Massie and her ridiculous demands. She's never felt more free or more like herself since her family moved to town. She's so tired of not being her true self, yet whenever she sees Massie and the other girls, she finds herself a little wistful for the old days. She's not sure she wants to go to war with Massie, but after Massie starts it, there's no way she's backing down. Massie can't believe Claire and her new friends. She almost has too much going on in her world to worry about Claire, like lip kissing an older boy and family drama. Still, she can't let Claire off for ditching the group. When she's done with Claire, there won't be any more friendship with ninth graders or anyone else. Will the two girls ever declare a truce, or will they fight until someone backs down? Claire and Massie continue their battle but with undertones of friendship. I love how Claire is the only one who will stand up to the alpha and also be her only true friend. I'll be sad to see this series end after the next book, since they're such quick and entertaining reads.
this book was supposed to come out on august 3rd, but for some reason, my local book store released it early. It was AWESOME! though, i cant believe it's the second to last book in the series. =( Anyway, i have a feeling that the ending of the clique serious will be just as great as all the books, and wont let any of the fans down. Once again, this books was AMAZINGLY GOOD!! (it would have been better if it was longer!!)
I cannot believe this series is continuing!!! After the 10th book I thought it would be done for good, but it just keeps going! This book series is ah-mayzing and I cannot wait to read this book and the one before it! Lisi Harrison really knows what she is doing when she is writing this book!
Lisi Harrison has the charm of writing the book and people will insistently fall in love with it. I could not put it down. There is only one more book in the series after this, so hurry and read this one. I just love the Clique series and I know anyone will too. I highly recommend the Clique!!!!!
i love these girls and sometimes i feel like they are actually real the way Lisi Harrison brings them to life is well, ah-mazing! The series is def just to read for fun and is not challenging at all. This is my favorite "just cuse" books because they are fun to read and i think that girls of all ages will enjoy. Please Lisi never never stop writing!!!!!
I cannot believe that the story is continuing. Lisi Harrison is such a creative mind, the characters witt and class is unforgettable, this series is truely a masterpiece. I was sad but yet happy that My Little Phony is the second to last book. Sad that the series was almost over but happy that the series was continuing for this long. My sister had read the series until Boys R Us and stopped there because she thought that it was the last book. When I had come home from the bookstore (Barnes and Noble :D) with a handful of books including the next Clique books. She was gleeful and shocked at the same time. Jumping up and down taking the books from my hand and opened up the next to the series "These Boots were made for Stalking". About 6 hours later she was searching the internet to find when the next book was coming out. I swear these books are like a drug, once you start, you can't stop. If you haven't started this series or are looking into this series well, are you missing out! Start now! Right now! Go online to you library catalog and search for The Clique. Then get in your car and go go go! Have fun reading!
The Clique series gives literature a whole new meaning! I love the books and I can't wait for My Little Phony! This series really helped me understand why girls act they way they do. It made middle school fun and easy. It exposes girls to a whole new world. I Love the characters and I wish this book could last forever. Love Dylan! She totally reminds me of myself with the diets and stuff. I am really excited that it is being made a show even though you have to pay for it and watch it online. It is definetly worth the money.It's been a great run and I'm sad to see it go.
I LOVE THIS SERIES BUT I CAN'T BEILIVE IT IS GONNA END AFTER THE 14TH BOOK!!! THAT SERIOUSLY SUCKS! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BUT I LOVE THAT SHE HASN'T FINISHED IT YET BUT STILL grrr! xoxo derrington.hot PS: Go to fanfiction.com/s/5076023/ to read my story, Graduating Caps and a Touch of DRAMA!
I was hoping this book would be better than the other ones, but I felt like I was reading the same book for the thirteenth time.
She is rude and mean and massie was only trying to help her and she goes and does this. I am an alpha at my school and u have a clique called the fab 5 d we are awesome
I got this book in my school library and read it. You dont really have to read them in order but it helps if you do. This book is the 16th in all the books. There are only 17 books. I really think that this book is sooooo awesome! I recomend it!!!!!
I didn't like how Kendra and William leave so quick. They were just like "hi bye"! But i was glad that Claire kept Massies secret. But didn't like how Dylan bought all that stuff ( including the hat!) Cre-dit Denied!
This book is amazingly fun and adventourous
I love all the clique books. I read paper back..has anybody else realised they're lots of typos??
I never thought I would ever say it, but Lisi, this was a step down. I loved every page of every other clique book, but this! Major let down. Every thing was either about kissing, etc., or Massie being mean to Claire. Just not entertaning, but really confusung. Wouldnt say its a waste of money, but dont have high expectations.