My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping, and Surviving as an Alzheimer's Caregiver

by Martin J Schreiber, Cathy Breitenbucher (With)

Overview

In My Two Elaines, author Marty Schreiber, former governor of Wisconsin, watches his beloved wife, Elaine, gradually transform from the woman he fell in love with in high school, and who diligently supported his political career, to the Elaine who knows she is declining and can't remember how to cook a meal, and finally to the Elaine who no longer recognizes Marty or their children.

One part love story, one part practical advice, this compelling book includes several unique elements:

• Excerpts from Elaine's journal, recounting her thoughts, concerns, and frustrations as the disease progresses
• A recurring feature called "What I Wish I’d Known," which provides helpful takeaways for caregivers based on Marty's observations about what he wishes he'd known sooner and done differently
• A Q&A between Marty and neuropsychologist Dr. Michelle Braun, to equip caregivers with the right questions to ask and empower them to advocate for their loved ones and their own needs

Beyond sincere, practical advice, My Two Elaines gives the reader permission to feel the full spectrum of emotions, including humor, even in the face of this relentless illness. And the book speaks to anyone touched by this disease—spouse, child, friend, or family member.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780785291695
Publisher:	Harper Horizon
Publication date:	06/13/2022
Pages:	192
Sales rank:	117,662
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Former Wisconsin Governor Martin J. Schreiber is an award-winning crusader for Alzheimer's caregivers and persons with dementia. Reaching audiences nationwide at live events and via media, he uses humor and compassion to share lessons from his ongoing, decade-plus journey as a caregiver. Since 2017, Schreiber has given more than 400 presentations to audiences that include family and professional caregivers, healthcare workers, social workers, nursing and pharmacy students, civic and business leaders, senior community residents, library patrons, and more.

Prior to writing My Two Elaines—and while he still cared for his wife at home—Schreiber helped the Alzheimer's Association launch Operation: Stronger Together, beginning in 2015. This multiyear awareness program has helped the Southeastern Wisconsin chapter connect record numbers of families to education and resources that are vital to successful caregiving.

Schreiber also collaborated with Wisconsin's state government and business groups to help create the Dementia-Friendly Employers Toolkit, which is used by human resources departments and employee assistance programs. Such initiatives have led to Schreiber being recognized with awards from the Alzheimer’s Association and other organizations.

Schreiber's work on behalf of older citizens dates back decades, to his 16 years in public service as a state senator, lieutenant governor, and governor, where he focused on improved quality for nursing home care and development of the in-home Community Care Organization. He went on to become a successful insurance executive and publisher before he started his own government relations firm in 1988.

Schreiber attended Valparaiso University and the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, and earned a doctorate of law from Marquette University.

He and his wife, Elaine, are the parents of four children, Kathryn Lyon, Martin Schreiber, Kristine Haas, and Matt Schreiber. They have 13 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren.

Table of Contents

Foreword Mark Johnson xiii

Preface xvii

Introduction xix

Chapter 1 When Marty Met Elaine 5

Part I Learning About Alzheimer's Disease

Chapter 2 Diagnosis 17

Chapter 3 Danger on the Trail: How Alzheimer's Can Harm Your Health 29

Chapter 4 Isolation 39

Chapter 5 Irrational Irritability 47

Part 2 Coping with Alzheimer's Disease

Chapter 6 Reaching for a Lifeline 59

Chapter 7 Being a Real Man 71

Chapter 8 Therapeutic Fibbing: Entering Her Reality 79

Chapter 9 Living in the Now 87

Part 3 Surviving Alzheimer's Disease

Chapter 10 Challenges 97

Chapter 11 What Surviving Looks Like 105

"If Alzheimer's Could Speak" Tara Reed 115

Afterword Tom Hlavacek 117

Acknowledgments 119

Resources 121

Appendix A Q&A Conversations from the Road 123

Appendix B Q&A Between Marty and Dr. Michelle Braun 129

Notes 155

Index 161

About the Authors 167

Editorial Reviews

'I only wish my father had this book to help him during my own mother's illness.'

Paula Kiely

'I encourage my fellow health-care professionals to read and share this book.'

Judy Beiler

'Marty has truly captured the essence of loving and caring for some-body with this disease. His book is insightful, thoughtful, heart-warming, and respectful. Marty's sense of humor and abundant pa-tience surely are a blessing for Elaine.'

Scott McFadden

'Marty shares his personal story with dignity and grace. My Two Elaines helps the caregiver realize you must take care of yourself, have a sense of humor, and take advantage of help to survive the stressful days ahead. It is a great resource for families.'

Linda Cody

'My Two Elaines demonstrates beautifully that the journey is not just for the person with the diagnosis but for the spouse and family as well and that it is a journey to not attempt alone and unsupported. [Marty's] discussions will no doubt help those who may be afraid to admit they don't have it all under control. I highly recommend this book. It is a quick read that provides a lot of great advice that will decrease the learning curve immensely.'

author of What to Do Between the Tears: A Prac Tara Reed

'My Two Elaines provides real life lessons about how to cope and survive each day with loving care, particularly when communica-tion is lost. Marty helps caregivers work through their guilt and sheds light on making difficult decisions when professional care is needed for a loved one. Most of all, Marty brings us an amazing story of love, understanding, and hope. It is one of the most moving and powerful stories I've read.'

Julie Tombari

'If you or someone you know is a caregiver, this is a must-read. Your loved one really does become a different person. As I learned from my mom's dementia, learning how to deal with her was key to ev-eryone's sanity. There are many helpful hints here.'

five-time Olympic gold medalist Bonnie Blair

'Marty Schreiber has written a book that is invaluable to the Alz-heimer's community. His personal experience (and wisdom gained) as a caregiver is shared in such an honest and impactful way that it should be mandatory reading for all individuals who step forward in this capacity.'

David Simbro

'This book is a godsend for anyone caring for a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's.'

Booklist

'At one moment this book is a heart-wrenching account of the devastating toll of Alzheimer's, and the next moment it is a heart rending love story. The minute you are holding your breath at the brutality of the disease, Marty rescues you with a concrete, doable message that can lead to lovely moments of joy. No health-care pro-fessional, family member, or caregiver should be without it.'

Dawn Adler

'With poignant clarity and candor, Schreiber provides readers with insight into the often incomprehensible world of a person living with Alzheimer's disease as well as the many challenges faced by family caregivers. My Two Elaines is easily integrated into health-care curriculum, sparking rich discussions related to dementia, caregiving, anticipatory grief, advance care planning, and commu-nity support services. Feedback has been overwhelmingly positive, with many learners expressing gratitude for the opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of the family caregiver experience.'

Dr. Stacy Barnes

'Your book is now at the top of my list; written from the heart, rein-forcing, yet honest.'

Susan M. Gross

'This wonderful book gives a personal perspective of a couple's jour-ney with Alzheimer's disease as they reach out for help and support. The personal sharing, the compelling development of Marty, and his insights as a caregiver all provide for an important message.'

Michael Malone

'To be complete, stories about Alzheimer's disease and caregiving must touch on both defeats and triumphs. In My Two Elaines, Gov-ernor Schreiber stirs the hearts of readers both with great suffering and great love inherent to the caregiving journey, lightening the load with humor. He introduces us not only to the woman he mar-ried and the person she became after Alzheimer's but also to the extraordinary individual who loves them both: her Marty.'

Daniel C. Potts