In Nothing Personal, Nancy Jo Sales holds nothing back! This book isn't just about dating in the digital age, it's about learning to love yourself for who you are, no matter what age or size.”Tyra Banks
“In this warm, witty, and rigorously honest memoir, a "Confessions of an English Opium-Eater–type exposé on dating apps… Against all odds, this unsparing, must-read portrait of modern dating and sex is also a love story.” Kirkus
“Sales’s funny, fresh approach will resonate with many single readers, as well as anyone concerned about the ways technology enables capitalism to invade personal life.”Publishers Weekly
“Nancy Jo Sales puts everything on the table as she investigates the dizzying impact of dating apps in both our culture and her own life. This is a hot and heavy book—hot as in sexy, as in timely, as in fully, unapologetically alive; heavy as in deeply researched, as in saturated with heartache, as in worth its weight in gold.”Gayle Brandeis, author of, The Book of Dead Birds
“With her trademark combination of wry wit and razor-sharp observation, Nancy Jo Sales dissects the systemic misogyny woven into the fabric of the capitalist online dating machine. A devastating portrait of how sexual violence and gender inequality are intertwined in many girls’ earliest formative experiences and how their impact echoes down generations."Laura Bates, author of, Men Who Hate Women
“A refreshingly honest look into the world of online dating, revealing the myriad ways tech companies are encouraging the same old misogyny, but masquerading it as empowerment.”Anita Sarkeesian, Executive Director of Feminist Frequency
“Nancy Jo Sales writes about the ever-changing tides of modern romance with humility and humor that reminds us how human we all are. She explores how this growing surplus of available romantic options commodifies sex and hook ups, turning courtship into utility.”Ryan Eggold
“Nancy Jo Sales has been a leading chronicler of our digital culture, its joys and pathologies. Sales is a gift—her journey is powerful and raw, and her humor amidst it all made it difficult to put the book down. Brava, this is a masterpiece.”Danielle Citron, author of, Hate Crimes in Cyberspace
“For those of us questioning what courtship even means in the age of dating apps, Nancy Jo Sales is a guide and a much-needed voice of reason who has swiped, sexted, and survived. Nothing Personal will be remembered for translating the world of 21st century sex and romance.”Marisa Meltzer, author of, This is Big
“Groundbreaking… I love Nancy Jo's honesty and her connection with her own brain, heart and soul. It’s so unbelievably refreshing to read the words of a woman that are so based in truth, her truth. I love this book so much. I didn’t want to put it down.” Peri Gilpin
“Nancy Jo Sales has written an unflinching confession and thoroughly researched expose of how big tech has affected the way we relate now. Amid so much hot sex, I found myself chilled to the bone.” Iris Smyles, author of, Dating Tips for the Unemployed
“An adrenaline-fueled romp through the world of online dating. At once hilarious and disturbing, Sales recounts not only how this technology shapes our experiences of love and dating, but also how it transformed her.”Breanne Fahs, author of, Burn It Down
“Through a personal narration that opens your mind to the world of relationships biased by a culture manipulated by technology, Nothing Personal explores an unimagined reality for some and the lived dating experience for many. Throughout the narrative, this book will keep you going down the rabbit hole.”Dr. Ayanna Howard, dean of Ohio State University’s College of Engineering
“Nancy Jo Sales is officially the world expert of dating apps. For years, she’s been a rare voice exposing the underbelly of hookup tech. The retaliation by Tinder to her earlier work didn’t stop her from penetrating the industry harder. Now, she’s reincarnated as a user taking us on the harrowing journey of her own hookups while telling us the ugly truth about the misogyny these companies perpetuate.”Carrie Goldberg, author of, Nobody’s Victim
“A wonderful, wonderful book. Nancy Jo Sales has always been a brilliant chronicler of the sexual mores of our time. But Nothing Personal manages the enjoyable feat of reading like a touching memoir, a well-researched and balanced feminist treatise, and a frequently funny journey through funny/sad love stories like Sex in the City for the smartphone era. Like most smartphone excesses, dating app romances can be awful, but Sales is a great literary Virgil.”Dimitry Elias Leger, author of, God Loves Haiti
With this latest work, best-selling author Sales (American Girls; The Bling Ring) adds her voice to the conversation about dating apps and societal expectations that reduce unpartnered women's bodies and identities to sociosexual disposability. She shares her personal dating mishaps and misgivings about dating apps in raw, rhetorically sophisticated anecdotes that draw attention to broader issues of sex, sexuality, aging, isolation, and the value we give ourselves and others. As Sales attempts to date again, she finds herself becoming interested in broader societal issues, including recent lawsuits involving Tinder and OkCupid. Sales acknowledges her own privilege as a white woman and explores how dating apps reinforce misogyny and racism and emphasize appearance above all else. Her book is especially valuable in its refusal to accept social scripts related to women's aging bodies; it might strip away some of the apprehension women have about using technology in smart and safe ways. VERDICT Refreshingly candid throughout, Sales's memoir and investigation of the history of love and intimacy will engage readers who have found themselves dating later than they expected.—Emily Bowles, Lawrence Univ., WI
Despite the title, a very personal—and thoroughly researched—memoir of dating younger men.
In this warm, witty, and rigorously honest memoir, a "Confessions of an English Opium-Eater–type exposé on dating apps,” Sales takes us behind the scenes of her work as a journalist and filmmaker and her own experiences with Tinder. The most affecting of these involved a mostly irresistible, sometimes disappointing young man she calls Abel, 23 to her 49 when they met, with whom she remained involved for four years, while both continued swiping and hooking up with others. The author, “a single mom by choice,” managed to keep her daughter, Zazie, in the dark about her love life—thank God for summer camp—and relied on a supportive network of friends and the proprietors of her neighborhood bar and cafe to help her keep some perspective on her experiences. Ironically, the same year she met Abel, Sales went to war with Tinder by publishing in Vanity Fair what was apparently the first article to criticize the dating app. The company fought back with a smear campaign, but Sales continued working—and dating. On the memoir side, Sales writes engagingly about her parents and her coming-of-age in Florida waiting tables in their hippie diner, and she takes us through some failed relationships, her successful journalism career, and stories of dating during the pandemic. The personal narrative is illuminated by often chilling research—e.g., a 2014 Harvard Business School study that “should dispel any notion that millennial men ‘see women as equals’ ” or a 2019 survey that found “31 percent of the women…reported being sexually assaulted or raped by someone they had met through an online dating site. Sales makes it abundantly clear that it’s not pretty out there.
Against all odds, this unsparing, must-read portrait of modern dating and sex is also a love story.