by Rachel Van Dyken

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The demons keep me company....the darkness is my friend.

I ran away from him, ran away from the memories and tried to start over. A fresh start at college was just what I needed and for a while it worked, unitl my past began to catch up with me.
I'd always been the party girl, the one you could count on for a good time, but it was all a lie. I so wanted to be the beauty in the story--when really I knew I was always the beast.
When guys touched me...I felt nothing but pain.
When they kissed me...I felt nothing but rage.
Until he walked into my life.
I wasn't prepared to fall for someone--ever. My scars were too deep, the wounds too raw. But he offered me peace, he offered me security and love. I should have known it was just another lie--I should have known that falling in love with my professor was a bad idea.
But I was powerless to stop myself from falling.
And he was powerless to catch me.
You think you know my story, but you don't....after all everyone has Shame in their lives--you're about to know mine.

Product Details

BN ID: 2940045636421
Publisher: Rachel Van Dyken
Publication date: 10/06/2014
Series: Ruin , #4
Sold by: Smashwords
Format: NOOK Book
Sales rank: 56,455
File size: 381 KB
Age Range: 12 Years

About the Author

Rachel Van Dyken is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today Bestselling author of regency and contemporary romances. When she's not writing you can find her drinking coffee at Starbucks and plotting her next book while watching The Bachelor. She keeps her home in Idaho with her Husband and their snoring Boxer, Sir Winston Churchill. She loves to hear from readers! You can follow her writing journey at

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Shame 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 25 reviews.
Jill_S More than 1 year ago
Shame, by Rachel Van Dyken -- What can I possibly say to convey my feelings about this book. You know what, I can't. There are just no words to do this justice. If you thought that the first books in the series moved you, prepare for Shame to rock your boat! When we first met Lisa in Ruin she seems to have the perfect life. She is happy upbeat and the life of the party. As the series moves forward we begin to see hints that all is not calm, peaceful and pretty beneath the beautiful exterior she puts forth. She has scars that run very deep. So deep that she doesn't even share these secrets, wounds or the current troubles she is facing with her best friends until she is cornered and her hand is forced.  Tristan walks in to Lisa's life as her college professor. He is everything you ever dreamed in your naughty professor fantasies! But like Lisa, while the packaging is phenomenal he comes with his own baggage and secrets that he is hiding from Lisa. Will Tristan and Lisa find their way to true love? Will their pasts and secrets be too much to overcome? Will the twists and turns that RVD throws into this book break you? This is a book that will make you feel a huge range of emotions. I don't want to say too much, because I truly feel that you need to experience this for yourself. But I can say that I was entirely invested from the get go. Even when my friends were reading it, and messaging me to hold their hand as they read - I was thrown right back into the story line, even though I knew exactly what would happen. Rachel Van Dyken had my heart invested in the story, she had me fully caught up in the story and she had me on the edge of my seat until the very end. And, OH MY! What. An. Ending! (That's all I can say about it. But, wow! Just you wait!!!)  And for those huge fans of the Ruin series - we get to see all of our old friends - Wes, MY MAN Gabe, Kiersten & Saylor. They all make appearances and play a role in Lisa's story. I cannot recommend this book and this series highly enough. For me this is an absolute MUST READ book/series. These will forever be on the very top of my favorite books! I received a complimentary copy of Shame from the author in exchange for an honest review.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Rachel Van Dyken never fails to surprise me. She consistently delivers with her books and the fact that she always mixes the content and style up means you're always in for a treat. I really don't know what I was expecting from Shame but I've been left with a big fat book hangover. I hate spoilers so I won't be leaving any and the synopsis breaks down the story for you but this was Lisa's book and boy she had me welling up on more than one occasion. The mystery and suspense kicks in right from the get go in Shame and literally doesn't let go of you. I couldn't turn the pages quick enough and oh my goodness the ending.... you'll be blown away and I really didn't see that coming. Shame was written in dual POV - my absolute favourite but at the start of each chapter we got snippets from Taylor through his journal. I thought these were great and they really set the scene on Lisa's back story without them being off putting or confusing. Shame was emotional and gritty but heartwarming too (love and friendship really does shine through this series) - loved it and it gets stars from me.
Scrapingirl More than 1 year ago
“Follow your destiny and know that each step you take will be another footprint in the snow, but make the footprints strong. You want them to lead somewhere. You want the footsteps to have meaning.” Rachel, Rachel, Rachel!!!! What are you doing to me?!?! The last few books, by Rachel, have left me feeling so emotionally drained and still totally satisfied. This book is most definitely no exception. Another emotionally charged, angst filled, leave-me-on-the-edge-of-my-seat kinda book. Right off the bat, I knew it was going to kill me. I was in a constant state of nervousness. The suspense had me reaching for my chill pills. I had no idea where this book was going to take me. Whew!! Lisa has a past that she is so ashamed of. She has tried to keep it secret. Only a few of her closest friends knew, and they didn’t even know the full story. The title of this book is so aptly named. Shame is what Lisa lives with every day. She has done things, in her past, that she can’t change, but she is trying to move on from it. But her past isn’t letting her go so easily. No matter what she does, it won’t let her go. Tristan is on a mission. He is searching for the truth. But what he finds, is not what he expected. When he meets Lisa he is completely transfixed. But he knows he should stay away, but there’s something about her that pulls him in. But his own secrets keep him from opening up completely. “It won’t be easy,” I whispered. “Letting you in.” “It won’t be easy,” She repeated. “Keeping you out.” Watching these two tiptoe around each other, had the angst level rising. It was like a roller coaster of emotions, for these two. You wanted to root for them, but you knew that when the secrets were told, no one would be left unharmed. “She could be my poison, and I’d drink from her cup, embracing sweet death if only for another taste.” Now this book may seem like your typical NA, angst filled book, but I assure you, it isn’t. Right from the very beginning you’ll realize this. Shame deals with emotional bullying and domestic violence that is done in the best way possible. It will leave you reeling, however, I am so glad Rachel wrote about this. This is a subject that is hard to read about, but it does happen more often than we realize. I, for one, am so very glad she wrote about this. Very eye opening.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
As a victim of domestic violence, this book really effected me. Lisa is a strong woman and her story is amazing. I'm so glad Rachel is bringing awareness to something most people hide from.  Domestic abuse is real and the victims should never be ashamed of admitting how they feel.
rlmanuel71 More than 1 year ago
I am going to start off with this book is a completely different type of book than your normal RVD contemporary book. Even though the Ruin Series is about heavier subjects, this book is darker and deep about a subject that many women shy away from talking about. This is a book that needed to be written and a subject that needed to be addressed. No, Rachel is not the first to breach this subject, but the type of mental and verbal abuse that Lisa suffers from has been taboo in the past. So as a warning, from someone who has gone through this type of abuse, I want to let you know, it might be hard for some of you to take. Lisa feels she is unworthy of love. Unworthy of the happiness her friends Gabe and Kiersten have found. She started college to run away from her past. But lately the past seems to be showing up more and more in her daily life, making her feel as if she is loosing her mind. Then she meet Tristan. They have this connection, but the only problem is that he is her professor and so off limits! As they get thrown into more situations together, their connection can't be denied. But can Tristan help Lisa feel as if she's worthy of his love, without Tristan feeling as if his own past can ruin her in the long run. Like I said this book was hard for me to read. I had to take breaks and spent an hour crying to my best friend, reliving some of the abuse I was subject to as a teen with my own boyfriend. Even with all of that, I came out from reading this book with a new insight of what I and many other girls like myself have gone through. That there is hope and there is love and that even though the scars are still there, after 20 plus years, its ok to say, I went through this and I know it wasn't my fault. I love Rachel for speaking out for those of us who weren't able to voice their pain and for showing us that love can thrive and grow and be a light after the darkness. FIVE STARS!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The characters come alive and burrow inside you. You don't want to let them go.
LisaD More than 1 year ago
Another Great book from Rachel Van Dyken. This book is very different from Rachel's other books, even from Wes and Gabe's stories the first two books in this series. One thing the each book in the series does have in common is that they are all there to love and support one another through their very different trials. Lisa is haunted by her past. She keeps trying to leave it behind and move forward, however it keeps getting thrown in for face from an unknown source. Lisa is strong and never gives up. My heart was breaking for Lisa while reading what she had went through and was going through. Tristan sought our Lisa to get some answers of his own, but what he did not expect was how drawn he was to her. Although he is her professor and should stay away, he finds himself helpless to do so. This book deals with some very real life issues, but is written very well.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The book was very disappointing. I kept waiting for something real to happen and it seems like everything worth writing about happened before the book began. Lisa 's relationship with Taylor
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
MichelleLN More than 1 year ago
Another great book by Rachel Van Dyken! This is a good example that money and power can't buy everything. There are many different types of abuse and not all can be seen. Just because someone looks fine doesn't mean that they aren't suffering on the inside. Rachel did a great job describing the fear, the torture, everything that Lisa experienced. It really made you feel like you were there with her. If this story touches you on a personal level then I encourage you to get help! Let Lisa be a good example so you will know that you don't have to go it alone. This was a great conclusion to the Ruin series!
sugarpine721 More than 1 year ago
We finally get Lisa's story...what a story it was...I loved that all the other characters were back! A sad story with a HEA! It touched on some heavy subjects but it is well worth reading, especially with you love the series! “I truly believed, in that moment, that having a psychological illness was just as bad as being physically ill, maybe worse. When you’re physically ill, people can see what’s wrong; they can help you fix it. When something’s wrong inside the mind, all doctors can do is guess, and people can’t tell if you’re sick. They don’t believe you a lot of times, until they see the outward signs of your sickness. Maybe you’re walking aimlessly on the street talking to yourself, or you hurt someone you love. That type of sickness is harder to define, harder to fix, and scary, because in the end, the sickness is you.”
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Love this author, I have all her books. She is on one of the must read all books by.
kristelatour More than 1 year ago
this book pulls at all the dark crevices and touched me in many ways. She really gets into the psyche of an abused person and brings it full circle. Loved it
slz52 More than 1 year ago
I love Rachel Van Dyken...Her sense of humor is unbelievable and her ability to combine it with serious subject matters at just the right time is remarkable.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Having been in an abusive relationship and also being bipolar, this book really touched a place in my heart. These are two issues that need to be discussed openly. Women and girls need to know that there are places to go for help and things do get better. Rachel did a great job handling some difficult topics in this story.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I really liked this book
AlwaysYAatHeart1 More than 1 year ago
I am such a huge fan of Rachel Van Dyken's and her Ruin series has quickly become on of my favorites.  I fell in love with Wes Michals in Ruin, then there was Gabe in Toxic, and I totally loved his story.  Next, we got more of Wes and Kiersten's story in Fearless, and also more or Gabe and Saylor, while the foundation was laid for Lisa's story in Shame, and OMG did I love Shame.   There is so much more to Lisa and her story than I ever imagined.  While the whole series is awesome and each book brings it's own unique circumstance to the table, Shame was darker, more intense, dangerous, and suspenseful than the first two books....something that had me on the edge of my seat into the wee hours of the morning, unable to put it down.  Yes, there is Rachel Van Dyken's trademark beautifully done romance, but there is so much more to this story, which is something I was definitely intrigued and pleasantly surprised with.  I would definitely classify this installment as romantic suspense. We meet a couple of new characters in Shame, and yes, we get to see our first love, Wes Michals, in all his glory, as well as Gabe and of course Kiersten and Saylor, and I love each and every one of the characters in this series.  While I liked Lisa in the previous novels, I was able to really connect with her in Shame and felt like I go to know her on a much deeper level.  While Tristan is the least favorite of the lead guys in the series, I did end up liking him, and he did prove himself by the time the story was over.  Wes, and then Gabe will forever remain my main men, however.  The story also has a wonderful epilogue which ties things together beautifully wrapping up the series in a wonderful way.  I totally loved Shame and the entire  Ruin Series and I can't recommend them highly enough.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
At first for a 14 yr old it was diffucult to understand to anderstand and boring but then it became a lot clearer on what i was reading later on in the story you just have to put the pieces together then your fine :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A lot going on in this book. Loved the captions of Taylor's journel in the beginning. Very freaky. Mental illness is so sad. Loved Lisa. Thought Tristan was initally looking for revenge, scary to think he thought he was just like Taylor. A good read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
xxBianca More than 1 year ago
“Hearts don’t make sounds when they break, but there’s pain-God, there is pain.” If there is one thing I can say about this series is that it is highly emotional. Shame was no exception. Finally we are given Lisa’s story. This was a sad, tragic, beautiful story that is sure to capture hearts of those who are fans of this series.  “...the thing about running, the thing about trying to start over-eventually that hope is dashed by your past coming up to greet you like the fires of hell.” Shame is dark. It’s twisted and heartbreaking. Lisa’s past will leave you stunned. Her spirit is broken. The Lisa we have seen in the previous books is nothing like you thought. We were always given a glimpse of her past. Of her secret, but it is not revealed until now. Oh and this secret? It’s a heavy one. Her past is shameful and you completely understand why Lisa chooses to be in the present. Her past will only bring her pain.  Lisa didn't feel love. She wasn't capable of it. Did not have the desire. But then? She meets Tristan. And soon learns he is forbidden. But the heart does not listen. It never does.  “...and for the first time in my life, I wanted wrong. I wanted the bad. I wanted it more than truth. Give me the lie. Just give me her.” “The broken pieces are the prettiest ones, Lisa. The demons, the proudest scars.” Tristan. He was so bad. But I loved him anyway. His intention with Lisa was horrifying. But you understand. As the darkness lived inside him as well. But his heart is so torn as it wants nothing more than to feel for Lisa. Vague much? There is a reason for that. There is a reason why the synopsis is the way it is. Shame has so many twists and turns. Lies, betrayal, pain comes to light. The past and present collide and shatters the hearts of both Lisa and Tristan. Everything you think you know, forget about it. Because you don’t.  “But with Lisa? I had no control; the madness she created in me stirred parts of my should that I hadn’t known existed until now.” While I am so glad we got to learn about Lisa’s past, it was not my favorite in the series. I expected to see Lisa’s strength. I was hoping we would see it and there was a glimpse of it towards the end. For someone to endure the past that she did, it takes an amazing person. A strong individual. I just wish this shined through a bit more. I think what has pulled me so much towards this series is the flawless writing. The journal entries? Genius. These were my favorite part. You must read to experience these. The author has a true talent of weaving an incredible story while evoking emotions you never thought were possible just by reading a book. Simply raw emotion. “She was afraid of the darkness he’d brought out in her almost as much as she was afraid of the light that she was still unable to reach.” Is this really the end? I have thoroughly enjoyed this series. I can easily say put this series at the top of my all time favorites. Shame is a nice addition to the series as all the lies and darkness finally reveals itself. The entire story and lives of these unforgettable characters comes full circle. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anyone that is around me for five minutes knows what a huge RVD fan I am. I have LOVED everyone of her books and will one-click anything she writes, without even reading the synopsis. Ruin was the first book I ever read by RVD, and it will always have a special place in my heart. I started Shame with mixed emotions and extremely high expectations. How would this series end? Would we finally learn all Lisa’s secrets? I have adored Lisa since Ruin and my opinion of her has never wavered. After finishing Shame, I loved her even more. Lisa’s past life events are extensive and a lot has to be divulged; RVD was able to do this perfectly. I was literally hanging on every chapter wondering what revelation would be revealed. Lisa’s true pain and heartbreak is finally brought to the surface. My heart ached for her and all that she had to endure from Taylor. Maybe because Gabe and Wes are so amazing, but I was not a huge fan of Tristan. He is a complex character and is manipulating Lisa on two fronts. I eventually grew to like him, but never felt any heart stopping moments with his character. Perhaps if there were more buildup with their relationship? It was just a little too rushed for me, especially given Lisa’s past. I would argue this is RVD’s “darkest” piece of work. While I really really liked this book, it did not have the “magic” for me that Ruin and especially, Toxic held. However, it is a great book and is well written, and I am certain Ruin fans will love it. I applaud Rachel for breaking her norms and giving us a such a thought provoking book. Life is not always rainbows and happiness. Perhaps some day Rachel will give us a peek into the lives of these beloved characters again. I can not imagine truly saying goodbye to them and have truly loved this series! I highly recommend it to any NA fan!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Omg omg i love love lisas story. Tristan was amazing and taylor...ewwww. how sad mental illness is. I have fallen in love with all these characters i hope you will continue this series because it is compelling and awesome
KaraHildebrand More than 1 year ago
I love the Ruin series. Ruin, book 1, is in my all time top 5 favorite reads. Wes is in my top 10 book boyfriend list, and Rachel Van Dyken is in my top 5 favorite authors list. Somehow I feel that I can end the review by just saying all of that :) But, I won't! Shame is Lisa's story. We've known Lisa since book 1 and I'm so glad that she's finally getting her story. Lisa has a dark past full of secrets and regret. We get to see bits and pieces of it as the book progresses. Gabe and Lisa have been friends for years and he's been protecting her from something. Well, we finally get to find out what and who, and it's heart breaking. Enter Tristan….he's her sexy professor and he's hiding something. Something huge! She can't seem to escape him and Tristan can't stay away from Lisa. He knows it's wrong but there's something about her that pulls him in. This story has it all: love, lies, loss, pain, secrets, danger, suspense, humor and lust. And, of course Wes, Gabe, Kiersten and Saylor! This was the perfect end to the perfect series. Wes was too nice and hot. Let's not forget the hot part. Both he and Gabe were like walking poster boys for GQ. Both blond, now that Gabe had decided to dye his hair back to his original color. It was like looking at two really bright superstars. The guy was either used to one-night stands or...yeah that was all I had, used to one-night stands. So, why don’t you go have a heart elsewhere? We're full up on a here, and I really don’t want to have to see my own face on the six o'clock news because I kicked your sorry a." Gabe said. "And I have weapons of mass destruction-" Lisa said. "Also knows as a pink Taser and Mace that she still doesn't know which direction to point." Gabe rolled his eyes. "Cute." His eyes narrowed. "Okay." I popped my knuckles. "Whoa!" He chuckled and held up his hands as if to shield himself. "Preparing for a fight?" "Just getting my question ready." "With your fists?" He scooted away. I'd been wrong. It wasn't the light that had drawn him. But the beckoning call of the dark. And like an idiot, I'd fallen before I knew. Funny how one person can change your mind, your heart, your soul so completely that you forget what you were fighting for in the first place.