So When Are You Having Kids: The Definitive Guide for Those Who Aren't Sure If, When, or How They Want to Become Parents

by Jordan Davidson

Overview

As we expand our understanding of what “family” means, we need to change the way we think about having kids.

How much does it cost to have kids? How long can I wait? What if I have fertility issues? And, wait a minute… do I even want kids? If you’re unsure whether you want kids or struggling to decide, this book is for you.

So When Are You Having Kids? is not your parents’ parenting book, nor is it a how-to for getting pregnant. It’s a nonjudgmental, inclusive guidebook for women, men, gender-nonconforming people, same-sex couples, and prospective single parents who want to make an informed decision regarding if and how they bring children into the world. Combining research with over 100 compelling real-life stories, the resources in this book are as diverse as the generations they’re meant to serve.

With deep insight and empathy, Davidson explores:

• Ways to cope with familial and societal pressure to have children
• What makes a good parent, and the skills you need to be one
• The facts about infertility, adoption, fostering, and alternative methods of becoming a parent
• The real financial costs of having and raising kids
• How to move past fears related to pregnancy and childbirth
• The ethics and consequences of having kids in the face of climate change
• And, what it means to choose a child-free life for those who are unsure whether they want kids

So When Are You Having Kids? is a much-needed resource for family planning in the modern world, packed with the knowledge and tools you need to make one of the most important decisions—if not the most important decision—of your life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781683649250
Publisher:	Sounds True, Incorporated
Publication date:	12/06/2022
Pages:	368
Sales rank:	516,298
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.30(d)

About the Author

Jordan Davidson is an award-winning health journalist and the editorial director of Health. Her work has appeared in Parents, BuzzFeed, CBS Interactive, Men’s Health, Teen Vogue, Everyday Health, Verywell Family, Scary Mommy, Upworthy, Prevention, Bitch, Bustle, and Rewire News. Her advocacy in the reproductive space has appeared on NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt and in the documentary Below the Belt.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part I Do You Want Kids?

1 The Waiting Game 7

2 Where Do Parenting Desires Come From? 19

3 Managing External Expectations 35

Part II Should You Have Kids?

4 Moving from Desire to Intention 47

5 The Demands and Rewards of Parenthood 51

6 Family Planning and Relationships 61

7 Kids, in This Climate? 75

8 Getting Your Finances in Order 87

9 Is Passing On Your Genes Really the Best Thing? 103

10 You're Concerned You Might Not Be a Good Parent 113

11 You're Afraid of Pregnancy or Childbirth 123

Part III How to Have Kids

12 Fertility 101 143

13 Getting Your Fertility Assessed 161

14 Fertility Preservation 179

15 Fertility Treatments 195

16 Managing the Grief of Infertility 209

17 Alternative Paths to Parenthood 223

18 Using an Egg, Sperm, or Embryo Donor 237

19 If Adoption and Foster Care 247

20 Surrogacy 261

Part IV You Don't Want Kids

21 Saying No to Parenthood 275

22 Living a Childfree Life 285

Conclusion: So When Are You Having Kids? 297

Acknowledgments 305

Notes 307

Index 345

About the Author 355

Editorial Reviews

"An exhaustive resource to fill a void of books about parenthood decisions." —Library Journal

"There are many, many parenting books on miles of shelves, and a number of books on being childless, but author Jordan Davidson pulls the two subjects together here with thoughtfulness, candor, inclusiveness, and a refreshing lack of judgment." —Bookworm Sez

“Whether or not to become a parent is the biggest decision a person will ever make. Jordan’s book leaves no stone unturned in helping people consider their options and will undoubtedly help people feel more confident in pursuing whatever path is right for them.” —Ruby Warrington, bestselling author of Sober Curious and Women Without Kids

“So When Are You Having Kids? is a much-needed exploration of the age-old question that plagues us all at one time or another. Jordan offers an inclusive, thought-provoking journey for all humans, no matter where they are in their own questions surrounding parenthood. Packed with insight into the various ways to become a parent, alongside an honest look at just how hard it can be to achieve, this book will open your eyes to the all-encompassing role of the idea of having children in our culture—and how the stigma of maybe not wanting to choose this, or the way in which it is chosen, has kept this conversation from happening in the ways it should have before.” —Lara Parker, deputy editor of BuzzFeed and author of Vagina Problems

“A thoughtfully written and inclusive guide for anyone debating one of life’s biggest questions. Davidson allows the reader to not be ‘sure’ about something that is often described as innate or natural. It is both incredibly freeing and informative.” —Allison Raskin, New York Times bestselling author of Overthinking About You

“If you’ve ever debated parenthood, So When Are You Having Kids? is the manual for you. Davidson’s exploration of the internal debate, societal pressure, fertility science, and decision-making process behind reproduction is so thorough, you’ll walk away with a clear understanding of what you actually want and how to get there. In fact, by the last page, you’ll actually be prepared to answer the title question whenever a friend, family member, or stranger lobs it your way.” —Riyana Straetker, senior editor of Verywell Family and former senior editor of POPSUGAR Family and Parents magazine

“It is rare for someone like me—disabled, queer, and childfree—to feel welcome in a book about having children, but Jordan Davidson’s debut made me right at home. If you’re deciding ‘if, when, and how’ to have children (or even if you’ve already made up your mind), Davidson’s text will arm you with empowering information and a steady, guiding voice. The rest, as she gently reminds readers, is (and always should be) up to us.” —Tessa Miller, New York Times editors’ choice author of What Doesn’t Kill You

“A refreshingly honest and inclusive look at the complexities, ambiguities, and opportunities of modern parenthood. A modern guide to the full spectrum of parent life, to help readers feel seen and validated—whoever they are, at every point in the parenthood journey.”
—Liz Tenety, cofounder of Motherly

“If you’re even remotely concerned with questions about procreating in the modern age, even if you’re childfree, Davidson’s extensively researched tome will be an essential read. As the leader of an organization focused on a population of people often forgotten about or dismissed when discussing parenthood and family formation, I was so pleased to see LGBTQ+ families (and especially the children in those families) so accurately and consistently represented. You don’t want to miss this book!” —Jordan Budd, executive director COLAGE

From the Publisher

11/01/2022

Davidson (founder, Endo Warriors) fills a gap for readers who are struggling to decide whether to ever become parents. At age 24, the author was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. Along with her thousands of dollars in student loan debt, it prompted her to ponder whether she could have children, as she struggled with depression, made dietary changes, and visited a therapist and a fertility specialist. Here she addresses her own concerns about parenthood and those of people she calls "Delayers," "Debaters," and "Decliners"—concerns like mental illness, health conditions, and even climate change—and offers extensive guidance on deciding whether to have children. Davidson pays particular attention to the obstacles to parenthood faced by queer people, like high costs to conceive and heteronormative parenting ideals). She also notes that Black prospective parents often must deal with particular racist discrimination, especially if they become parents at a young age or are single parents. VERDICT An exhaustive resource to fill a void of books about parenthood decisions.

Library Journal