The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss

by George A. Bonanno

Overview

In this thoroughly revised and updated classic, a renowned psychologist shows that mourning is far from predictable, and all of us share a surprising ability to be resilient


The conventional view of grieving—encapsulated by the famous five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—is defined by a mourning process that we can only hope to accept and endure.


In The Other Side of Sadness, psychologist and emotions expert George Bonanno argues otherwise. Our inborn emotions—anger and denial, but also relief and joy—help us deal effectively with loss. To expect or require only grief-stricken behavior from the bereaved does them harm. In fact, grieving goes beyond mere sadness, and it can actually deepen interpersonal connections and even lead to a new sense of meaning in life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781541699373
Publisher:	Basic Books
Publication date:	11/05/2019
Edition description:	Revised ed.
Pages:	368
Sales rank:	210,002
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.10(d)
Age Range:	13 - 18 Years

About the Author

George A. Bonanno is professor of clinical psychology and chair of the Department of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University's Teachers College. He lives in New York City with his wife and two children.

Table of Contents

Author's Note ix

1 The Worst Thing That Could Ever Happen 1

2 A Bit of History 15

3 Sadness and Laughter 35

4 Resilience 65

5 Whatever Gets You Through the Night 99

6 Relief 123

7 When Grief Takes Over 139

8 Terror and Curiosity 173

9 Between Was and Is and Will Be 197

10 Imagining the Afterlife 215

11 Chinese Bereavement Ritual 249

12 Thriving in the Face of Adversity 283

Acknowledgments 297

Notes 301

Index 337

Editorial Reviews

"Perhaps the most renowned grief researcher in the United States ... Bonanno's work ... has redefined the science of grief research."—The Atlantic

"Fascinating and readable ... a sensitive and sensible view of loss."—New York Times

"A deep and intelligent book.... It's heartening to discover that grieving is not 'work,' we don't have to be successful at it, and we're stronger than we know."—Double X, Slate

"This is a valuable book for Bonanno's application of the scientific method to a field that badly needs it."—New Scientist

"The Other Side of Sadness is a game changer. Bonanno carefully assembles scientific evidence to show that most of what we thought we knew is just plain wrong. If you want to know the truth about the human experience of loss, there's only one book on the shelf."—Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology, Harvard University, and author of Stumbling on Happiness

"Bonanno, the most productive and influential bereavement researcher in America today, has changed the scientific landscape in the field of grief and bereavement."—Camille Wortman, Professor of Psychology, Stony Brook University

"Brilliant and moving."—Dacher Keltner, professor of psychology, University of California, Berkeley, and author of Born to Be Good

"The Other Side of Sadness paints a refreshingly new and scientifically-grounded portrait of the grieving process, one infused with positivity, laughter, and enduring bonds. Anyone interested in the emotional nuances of the human condition will value this warm, engaging, and accessible book."—Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D., Kenan Distinguished Professor, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill and author of Positivity

"George Bonanno's ground-breaking research on grief illuminates mankind's profound capacity for resilience, and shows us how to find meaning in life after death."—Jim Whitaker, Founder and Director Project Rebirth

From the Publisher

He once helped debunk the theory of repressed memory; now this Columbia clinical psychology professor takes on the conventional wisdom about grieving. There's little evidence to support the existence of “stages of mourning” or the corollary that if the stages aren't followed completely, there's cause for alarm. What Bonanno does find is “a natural resilience” that guides us through the sadness of loss, and grief, rather than distracting us, actually causes the mind to focus; it also elicits the “compassion and concern” that humans are hard-wired to offer in response to another's suffering. Bonanno acknowledges that grief is sometimes extreme and requires treatment, much like post-traumatic stress disorder. But with this work, science and common sense come together in a thoughtful, kindhearted way; stories of loss go far beyond striking a familiar chord—they give us hope. As one mother who lost her daughter tells Bonanno, even years later she felt her daughter was like a “little ember, and if I need to, if I want to have Claire next to me, I blow on it, ever so gently, and it glows bright again.” (Oct.)

Publishers Weekly

This illuminating work by Bonanno (clinical psychology, Columbia Univ.) challenges Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's five-step model for understanding grief and the dying process. The author shares his research into the experiences of ordinary people who have lost a loved one, revealing how their personal journeys through the grief process differ remarkably from what most self-help books and the professional literature on grief describe. In warmly presented chapters, Bonanno cogently covers the traditional response to grief in Western culture, how grief many times is overcome with enlightened levity, the importance of resilience after losing a loved one, the importance of memories in the grief process, the strength that develops after overcoming a loss, and the importance of beliefs in various myths about the afterlife. VERDICT While the popular and the professional literature on death and dying continue to surge, Bonanno's work manages to offer a clearly professed alternative way to understand grief that will be a refreshing new resource for professionals, as well as for the grieving.—Dale Farris, Groves, TX

Library Journal