The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World

The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World

The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World

The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World


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An introvert guide and manifesto for all the quiet ones—and the people who love them—on dating, relationships, work, careers, and more.

On behalf of those who have long been misunderstood, rejected, or ignored, fellow introvert Jenn Granneman writes a compassionate vindication—exploring, discovering, and celebrating the secret inner world of introverts that, only until recently, has begun to peek out and emerge into the larger social narrative. Drawing from scientific research, in-depth interviews with experts and other introverts, and her personal story, Granneman reveals the clockwork behind the introvert’s mind—and why so many people get it wrong initially. Chapters include:
  • The Science of Introversion
  • Introverts Aren’t Unsociable—We Socialize Differently
  • Let’s Be Awkward Together—Introverts in Relationships
  • Do I really Have to Do This Again Tomorrow? Introverts and Career
  • Inside the Introvert’s Inner World
  • And much more!

Whether you are a bona fide introvert, an extrovert anxious to learn how we tick, or a curious ambivert, these revelations will answer the questions you’ve always had:
  • What’s going on when introverts go quiet?
  • What do introvert lovers need to flourish in a relationship?
  • How can introverts find their own brand of fulfillment in the workplace?
  • Do introverts really have a lot to say—and how do we draw it out?
  • How can introverts mine their rich inner worlds of creativity and insight?
  • Why might introverts party on a Friday night but stay home alone all Saturday?
  • How can introverts speak out to defend their needs?

With other myths debunked and truths revealed, The Secret Lives of Introverts is an empowering manifesto that guides you toward owning your introversion by working with your nature, rather than against it, in a world where you deserve to be heard.

Is there a hidden part of you that no one else sees? Do you have a vivid inner world of thoughts and emotions that your peers and loved ones can’t seem to access? Have you ever been told you’re too “quiet,” “shy,” “boring,” or “awkward”? Are your habits and comfort zones questioned by a society that doesn’t seem to get the real you? If so, you might be an introvert.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781510721029
Publisher: Skyhorse
Publication date: 08/01/2017
Pages: 320
Sales rank: 183,315
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Jenn Granneman is on a mission: to let introverts everywhere know it’s okay to be who they are. She has advocated for introverts since 2013, when she created, the popular online community and publication for introverts. For most of her life, she felt weird, different, and out of place because of her quiet ways; now, she writes about introversion because she doesn’t want other introverts to feel the way she did. Her writings on introversion have appeared in The Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and Susan Cain’s Quiet Revolution, among others. Jenn lives in Minnesota, and no, she doesn't want to go out this weekend.

Adrianne Lee is a creative techie who enjoys telling stories through her whimsical and witty cartoons. Her work combines Manga-style drawing with smart-but-subtle humor. When she is not indulging her need to tell stories with a humorous twist, Adrianne can be found drinking too much coffee and sorting through her options for her next “big idea”.

Table of Contents

Introduction xiii

Chapter 1 This is for All the Quiet Ones 1

There Must Be Something Wrong with Me 2

One Magic Word: Introvert 4

Now I'm on a Mission 5

Are You an Introvert? 7

Still Not Sure? 17

Tips for Extroverts 19

Why I Wrote This Book 19

Chapter 2 The Science of Introversion 22

The Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll Molecule 23

Too Loud, Too Many People 25

For Extroverts: It's All about Dosage 27

How Introverts Feel Rewarded 27

The introvert's Origin Story 29

What Introverts Are Like as Kids 31

Temperaments Don't Change, but Personalities Do 32

Why Your Personality Changes 34

Your Introversion Doesn't Have to Doom You 35

The Four Types of Introverts 38

Quiz-Which of the Four Types of Introverts Are You? 41

Why Introverts Might Struggle to Put Their Thoughts into Words 45

When Your Mind Goes Blank 47

Chapter 3 Introverts are Rude (And Other Misconceptions) 49

Misconception #1 Introversion Is Simply Rudeness 51

Misconception #2 The Introvert's Need for Solitude Is Antisocial 54

In Their Own Words 56

Misconception #3 Introverts Lack Passion 61

Misconception #4 Introverts Hate People 63

Misconception #5 All Introverts Are Shy 64

Misconception #6 Introverts Make Poor Leaders 65

Misconception #7 Introverts Don't Know How to Have Fun 67

Chapter 4 Yes, The "Introvert Hangover" is Real 69

"I Become Physically Unwell if I Overextend" 70

What an introvert Hangover Feels Like 71

What Everyone Else Does 73

For Extroverts: Recognizing the Signs of an Introvert Hangover 75

The Only Way to Cure an Introvert Hangover 76

Being Alone Can Be Glorious 77

When the Choice of Solitude Isn't Clear 79

Should I Stay or Should I Go? 82

How to Prevent an Introvert Hangover 83

Chapter 5 Introverts Aren't Unsociable-We Socialize Differently 87

Breadth vs. Depth 88

It's about Balance 89

Rules for Being Friends with an Introvert 90

If You Want More Friends 95

How to Ditch Small Talk 101

When Friends Drift Apart 105

Chapter 6 Please Just Leave Me Alone 109

Introverts' Favorite Things to Do Alone 112

Solitude Really Does Make Your Life Better 113

Solitude Can Help You Discover Yourself 118

Faces, Flowers, and the P300 Response 119

Introverts and Alone Time, by the Numbers 120

When You Have Too Many Obligations 123

Saying No Is the First Step 124

The Misplaced Guilt of Saying No 125

Improve Your "No" Game 126

Put Solitude on Your Calendar (It's What Rock 'n' Roll Stars Do) 128

Alone Time Is Not Personal Rejection 129

For Extroverts: Solitude Is Self-Care 131

Solitude Is Not Hikikomori 131

When Your Solitude Becomes Loneliness 132

Chapter 7 Let's Be Awkward Together-Dating for Introverts 135

What Introverts Want in a Partner 138

Why Dating Can Be Hard for Introverts 141

Are Introverts Too Picky? 144

A Caveat to Being Picky 146

When You Get Too Attached Too Fast 148

When You Put Someone on a Pedestal 149

For Extroverts: What You Should Know about Dating an Introvert 151

But I Don't Wanna Leave My House 152

But I Don't Know What to Say 153

Don't Fake Being an Extrovert 155

How to Be Quietly Intriguing 157

Will I Ever Find Love? 158

Chapter 8 Let's Be Quiet Together-Introverts in Relationships 161

Why Introverts Make Amazing Partners 163

Introvert vs. Extrovert, by the Numbers 164

A Partner Who Understands: The Introvert-Introvert Advantage 167

Challenges of Being an Introvert-Introvert Couple 169

Energy to Spare: The Introvert-Extrovert Advantage 172

Challenges of Being an Introvert-Extrovert Couple 173

For Extroverts: What You Should Know about Loving an Introvert 175

When Love Doesn't Work Out 178

Being Single Can Be Awesome, Too 181

Chapter 9 Troubleshooting Your Relationship 184

Why Relationships Can Be Hard for Introverts 186

Choosing the Right Partner 187

Look for Red Flags Early 189

Red Flags Introverts Should Watch Out For 190

Signs You're in the Right Relationship 193

Conflict Is Normal 195

Introverts Fight Differently than Extroverts 197

How to Handle Conflict Better 198

About Those Pesky In-Laws 200

Chapter 10 Do I Really Have to Do This Again Tomorrow? Introverts and Career 203

Why More Companies Should Hire Introverts 205

Introverts and Job Happiness, by the Numbers 207

When a Job Constantly Exhausts You 212

Choosing the Right Field 214

Ten Best Jobs for Introverts, Ranked by Salary 215

Work at Home in Your Pajamas (Really) 217

The Introvert's Need for Meaningful Work 217

When You Find Your Calling 220

Six Questions to Ask Yourself to Help You Find Your Calling 222

Chapter 11 Troubleshooting Your Job 225

When Friday Night Can't Come Soon Enough 227

Introverts and the Dreaded interview 231

For Extroverts: What You Should Know about Interviewing an Introvert 234

Talking Points to Sell Your Introvert Skills 237

Introverts Who Network (Yes, They Exist) 240

Network without Changing Who You Are 242

Getting Noticed at Work without Turning into an Extrovert 244

How to Speak Up in Meetings When You're an Introvert Who Hates that Sort of Thing 246

Chapter 12 Inside the Introvert's Inner World 249

What the Introvert's Inner World Is Like 250

Introverts and Creativity, by the Numbers 254

What Introverts Bring to the Creative Process 256

Famous Creative Introverts 258

Harnessing the Creative Power of Solitude 259

"Are You Okay?"-Resting Sad Face 261

The Torture of Overthinking 263

What Overthinking Feels Like 264

How Overthinking Harms You 266

How to Stop Overthinking 267

In Closing 269

Chapter 13 Work with Your Introversion Rather than Fight Against It 270

"What Makes You Weird Also Makes You Wonderful" 272

Your Needs Are Just as Important as Everyone Else's Needs 274

When You Have to Speak Up 275

Live Fearlessly 278

More Resources 280

Be as You Are 280

Bibliography and Suggested Reading 283

Acknowledgments 299

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