Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook

Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook

by F. L. Fowler

Hardcover

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780385345224
Publisher: Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale
Publication date: 11/13/2012
Pages: 160
Sales rank: 4,889
Product dimensions: 7.22(w) x 9.14(h) x 0.68(d)

About the Author

FL FOWLER is a pseudonym.

Read an Excerpt

Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?”
   Crap.
   “No,” I squawk hoarsely.
   “I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”
   Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”
   “My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”
   I know what his hard cooking is like.
   “I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.
   “Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.
   My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.
   Give me a B!
   Whack.
   Give me an L!
   Whack.
   Give me an A!
   Whack.
   Give me a D! E! S! 
   Whack whack whack.
   What does that spell?
   Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.
   He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness. 
   “You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”
   Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.
   I must remember to cluck at him more often.
 
Mustard Spanked Chicken
roasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic  
 
Serves 4
1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more to taste
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons minced fresh basil
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
 
1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, with the salt and pepper.

2. In a small bowl, stir together the mustard, basil, and garlic and slap it hard onto the bird everywhere you just rubbed the salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight or for at least 1 hour so it can recover.

3. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack in a roasting pan.

4. Carefully lay the bird on the rack, breast down. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Roast for 30 minutes. Thrust a wooden spoon into the chicken cavity and flip the bird over so the breasts are up; drizzle with remaining oil. Continue to roast until the bird is golden brown and quite done, about 30 to 40 minutes longer. Enjoy.
 
 
 
***
   
   The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too? 
   He heats me up fast, it won’t take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up into a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It’s epicureanism run wild!
   He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?
 
Dripping Thighs
roasted chicken thighs with sweet and sour onions  
 
Serves 4
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 teaspoon plus pinch coarse kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 sweet onion, thinly sliced
1 cup white wine
1 bay leaf
1 cinnamon stick
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 tablespoon honey
 
1. Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepper together.

2. In a small saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, bay leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and butter.

3. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no longer pink and onions are meltingly tender and caramelized, about 25 minutes.

Table of Contents

1: The Novice Bird   
Extra-Virgin Chicken, Vanilla Chicken, Popped-Cherry Pullet, Learning-to-Truss-You, Chicken with a Lardon, Spanked Hen, Hot-Rubbed Hen, Spicy Fowl, Slicked Chick, Hard and Crisp Chicken on Soft Dumplings, Basted Bird, Holy Mole!, Chili-Lashed Fricassee, Bone-In Broiler, Cock Au Vin, Pulled Pullet, and Please-Don’t-Stop Chicken
 
2: Falling to Pieces: Chicken Parts and Bits   
Holy-Hell Wings, Bound Wings, Chicken-Strip Tease, Sticky (Chicken) Fingers, Dripping Thighs, Spread and Stuffed Thighs, Pounded Thighs, Creamed Chicken Supreme, Go-Get-the-Butter Breasts, Steamy White Meat, Chicken and Tongue Ring, Pounded Tenderloin, Crimson Chicken Breasts, Iced Chicken Salad, Skewered Chicken, Chicken Hearts and Flowers, Chicken Sub
 
3: Advanced Technique: Chickens Gone Wild  
Spatchcocked Chicken, Capon on Top, Boned Chicken, Spread-Eagle Chicken, Safe-Word Fowl, Hard-Limit Bird, Hogtied and Porked Chicken (with sausage), Red-Cheeked Chook (with apple), You Dirty Bird, Backdoor Beer Can Chicken, Erect Chicken, Forcemeat Chicken Foam, Hard-Slapped Roaster, Rough-Stuffed Clucker, Quailing Chicken Gelee, (Flame) Licked Chick

Epilogue
 
Acknowledgments
Index

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“…it will undoubtedly become one of America's most cherished cookbooks of all time.”
-Eater.com
 
“Like any good parody, this manages to make fun of both the flabby porn of "Fifty Shades" and the gushing language of "food porn…” -BonAppetit.com
 
“…this genius little tidbit that combines the sexual and the culinary…” -Glamour.com
 
“All signs indicate that Fifty Shades of Chicken, a new cookbook parodying erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, is the real deal. We can't get over the hilarity of the description on the book's web site.” -Huffington Post

"The book that spawned “mommy porn” has now given a new meaning to playing with your food. . . You’ll never look at chickens the same way again." -Salon.com

"Besides clever writing with laugh-out-loud double entendres, Fifty Shades of Chicken offers 50 (of course) tempting recipes, among them Crunchy Chicken Parmesan Croquettes and Cranberry Baked Chicken With Apple Cider." -The Republic

Recipe

Dripping Thighs
roasted chicken thighs with sweet and sour onions

The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too? He heats me up fast, it won't take much too?
He heats me up fast, it won't take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up to a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It's epicureanism run wild!
He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?

1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 teaspoon plus pinch coarse kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 sweet onion, thinly sliced
1 cup white wine
1 bay leaf
1 cinnamon stick
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 tablespoon honey

1. Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepper together.
2. In a small saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, bay leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and butter.
3. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no longer pink and onions are meltingly tender and caramelized, about 25 minutes.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

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Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 28 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am so in love with this book. This book is so funny and make a great read, but I also found so many other ways to cook chicken. I just started "THe Hungry Chick Dieting Solution" so I needed this. Great ideas and great book.
irish13DB More than 1 year ago
I am giving this for a Christmas present and I love the take on this cookbook. Recipes with a sense of shame and humor.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
AWESOME LOL!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read all the books and passed them on to my family and girlfriends. My husband even read them. The sexiest part of that was he read the books to me in bed.......ahhhhj.... When the 50 Shades of Chicken came up I pre ordered at least 10 of them for gifts. It has been just a omg hit. Wish I would of thought of it. Fav is Chicken with a Lardon. Chicken and apple smoked bacon. Seriously.... Delicious!
TeraMLT More than 1 year ago
I didn't get it until i read the books. Yummy chicken ideas also
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Gave as shower gift- very funny-very beautifully photographed and cute recipes
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love it
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Food porn at it's best! You won't regret picking up this one. And the recipes are actually good! (Try the vanilla chicken.) A terrific, funny parody on FSOG. The only thing that could possibly make it better is to have Patrick Stewart do the audio version - with a french accent!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is the most entertaining cookbook, You will ever own. The chicken is Fantastic too.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Omfg..why is it not working?!
Paula-GlenEllyn More than 1 year ago
Gave as a gift just to be funny - was a conversation starter for sure!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was a Christmas and was very well received. They can't wait to start experimenting.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Ror people who have read "Fifty Shades of Gray" and got some laughs and enjoyed the authors imaginationity story telling. I highly recommened this book as gift. It is very cleverly written,plus the recipes are actually very good. A 90 year old Grandma who loves to keep learning and staying current with what's going on in our world today.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I bought several for Christmas gifts and everybody got a kick out it. They would start laughing when they first saw the title of the book, but then would thumb through to look at the recipes and said they are going to try the recipes. so it was a win win.
KGU More than 1 year ago
I loved this parody book...great recipes too! I bought this book as Christmas gifts and they were well received. Now...I need to get one for myself!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
made me crave
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
tinab19 More than 1 year ago
great
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It sounds hillarious!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lol.