In LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT, author Ronald J. Frederick, does abrilliant job of describing why people are so afraid of theiremotions and how this fear creates a variety of problems in theirlives. While the problems are different, the underlying issue isoften the same. At the core of their distress is what Dr. Frederickrefers to as feelings phobia. Whether it s the experience of love,joy, anger, sadness, or surprise, our inborn ability to be a fullyfeeling person has been hijacked by fearand it s fear that skeeping us from a better life.
The book begins with a questionnaire-style list that helpreaders take an honest look at themselves and recognize whether andhow they are afraid of their feelings. It then moves on to explorethe origins of fear of feeling and introduces a four-part programfor overcoming the fear: (1) Become aware of and learn to recognizefeelingsanger, sadness, joy, love, fear, guilt/shame, surprise,disgust. (2) Master techniques for taming the fear. (3) Let thefeeling work its way all the way through to its resolution. (4)Open up and put those feelings into words and communicate themconfidently. With wisdom, humor, and compassion, the book usesstories and examples to help readers see that overcoming feelingsphobia is the key to a better life and more fulfillingrelationships.
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About the Author
RONALD J. FREDERICK, Ph.D., is a cofounder of the Center for Courageous Living, which offers innovative therapy, coaching, and consulting. He is a licensed psychologist and life coach with more than fifteen years experience helping people get the life they really want. Frederick is a senior faculty member of the Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy Institute as well as the clinical supervisor of Park House, an outpatient program of Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Table of Contents
PART ONE: PREPARATION.
1. To Feel or Not to Feel.
2. How the Heck Did I Get This Way?
PART TWO: TAKING ACTION.
3. Step One: Becoming Aware of Your Feelings.
4. Step One, Continued: Becoming Aware of Your Defenses.
5. Step Two: Taming the Fear.
6. Step Three: Feeling It Through.
7. Step Four: Opening Up.
8. Putting It All Together.
Conclusion: Making a Choice.
Appendix: Seeking Professional Help.
What People are Saying About This
"Where shall we run if we run from ourselves? This book asks us tolook anew at our models of health and happiness and to realize thatpersonal liberation is not possible if we are not at liberty tofeel what we feel. Through stories and examples, Ron Frederickwalks us through that issue in a way that is simple, clear, andfocused and that has a chance to fundamentally change human lives."—Steven C. Hayes, PhD, University of Nevada, author ofGet Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life
"Written like he means it—and clearly he does—RonFrederick's book is a gift, written by a master clinician and anamazing person. His heart and soul, his humor and sparklingintelligence, his pathos and practicality, are all there from thegreat title to the very last word. Down to earth and with a twinklein his eyes, Ron Frederick is the guide and companion you have beenlooking for. As he passionately makes clear: you can shed yourresignation and vitality and joy can be yours again. And as youjourney to reconnect with yourself and those you love—youwill not be alone. Step by step, you feel him with you, steady andwise. What a great book! I will recommend it to my patients andfriends alike. And, what's more, I can't wait to read it again."—Diana Fosha, PhD, Director of the AEDP Institute.author of The Transforming Power of Affect
"Dr. Frederick's wise and powerful book is an inspiration. It isalso a practical guide to help us feel more deeply, face our fearsmore confidently, and live each moment more fully." —Dr.Larina Kase, Author of The Confident Leader: How the MostSuccessful People Go from Effective to Exceptional, and the NewYork Times Bestseller The Confident Speaker
"Dr. Frederick’s first book demonstrates his gift ofcommunicating in an accessible, human, meaningful manner about oneof life’s most important mysteries—the true value andpurpose of our emotions. He shows us how to navigate the guidancesystem they provide on the road to happiness, fulfillment and depthin our lives. Hopefully, this will be the first of many books fromthis gifted writer." —Joseph Bailey, Licensedpsychologist and bestselling author of Fearproof Your Life andSlowing Down to the Speed of Life
"It is a delight to read a book on emotions that integrates somuch of the cutting edge research in brain, body, mind andattachment. Ron Fredrick has managed to take difficult concepts andtranslate them into language that is understandable. This is a bookfor those who seek to reconnect with their own emotions, and withthe emotions of people they care about. I highly recommend "LivingLike You Mean It." —Marion Solomon, PhD, Director ofClinical Training, Lifespan Learning Institute. author of Lean onMe
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Dr. Frederick details a framework for being able to notice what's going on in your body as a way of becoming more aware of your feelings. He describes this process as a way to have a more fulfilling life, as well illustrates reasons why we've learned to turn away from our feelings in the first place. I was excited to read this book because he put into a simple, yet fascinating structure ideas I have intuitively felt for years, but haven't had the words to describe. I love this book! And while it should be required reading for anyone who is a therapist or in therapy, anybody would benefit if they are truly interested in living a more meaningful life. Thank you, Dr. Frederick!
Have you ever sat around thinking, "My life is great. Things seem to be going well for me!" Only, on the inside you're sad, anxious or depressed? I didn't realize I was doing this until after reading Dr. Ronald J. Frederick's new book, LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT. As the cover states, he shows us how to use the wisdom and power of our emotions to get the lives we really want. He has an uncanny way of encouraging us to look deep within ourselves to see the truth behind our actions. This makes LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT a powerful and compelling read.LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT really seems designed to connect with any level of reader. Dr. Frederick takes what could be a very complex topic - battling with ourselves to change beliefs that we have held since childhood - and put them in an easy to understand and easy to use format. Part One deals with preparation. Dr. Frederick allows us to use self discovery to observe our actions and break them down into parts we can analyze. He explains the basis for certain emotions and why we as a culture tend to push our emotions down, choosing to smother them rather than releasing them. Using recent research on the brain and body, Dr. Frederick shows us how emotions are tied to our thoughts and can greatly influence our lives.After getting some great background info, both about emotional mindfulness and our own personal emotions, Dr. Frederick takes us into the action phase of reorganizing our emotions. Part Two shows us how to increase our emotional awareness and determine where our defenses come from. Now that we can recognize our feeling phobias he shows us how to tamp that fear down and allow ourselves to ride the waves of our emotions from beginning to the peak and finally to their release.If you had asked me weeks ago if I bottled up my emotions or if I let them control my life, I would have told you, "Absolutely not!" I am the master of me...aren't I? I found myself perusing the pages of LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT, gradually flipping faster and faster as Dr. Frederick's words struck a chord in my heart. His examples and tell tale signs of working against one's emotions instead of with them actually rang true with me! I'm not ashamed to admit that I discovered a lot about myself between the covers of LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT. For a book, a simple collection of dried plant fibers, that really says something.One of the most useful aspects of the book, aside from the great layout and formatting, was the way Dr. Frederick included stories from composites of actual patients. Each story was about a different individual and his or her challenge to learn that their emotions were not a force to be reckoned with, but rather a helping hand, guiding them through life. I think it is safe to say that there is at least one story, one real life example in LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT that everyone can relate to. I myself know that at least two of the stories reflect events in my life to a T.Dr. Frederick's stories help the reader to connect with his vision, but it is really the flow of his words that pulls the reader in. This book is not at all written like a dry academic texts or even one of those dry self-help books. No, this is written more like Dr. Frederick is in the room talking with you and only you. As he speaks his words magically appear on the paper. That's really the best way I have to describe it. It really feels like you are curled up in some comfy chair chatting with a good friend. In my opinion, that's one of the best ways to connect with people and I think Dr. Frederick nailed it.
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