Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters

by Susan Forward, Donna Frazier Glynn

Overview

With Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of the smash #1 bestseller Toxic Parents, offers a powerful look at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters—and provides clear, effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy.

In more than 35 years as a therapist, Forward has worked with large numbers of women struggling to escape the emotional damage inflicted by the women who raised them and heal the mother wound. Subjected to years of criticism, competition, role-reversal, smothering control, emotional neglect and abuse, these women are plagued by anxiety and depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence, and difficulties with trust. They doubt their worth, and even their ability to love.

Forward examines the Narcissistic Mother, the Competitive Mother, the Overly Enmeshed mother, the Control Freak, Mothers who need Mothering, and mothers who abuse or fail to protect their daughters from abuse. 

Filled with compelling case histories, Mothers Who Can’t Love outlines the self-help techniques Forward has developed to transform the lives of her clients, showing women how to overcome the pain of childhood and how to act in their own best interests. 

Warm and compassionate, Mothers Who Can’t Love offers daughters the emotional support and tools they need to heal themselves, set boundaries, and rebuild their confidence and self-respect.

This essential guide provides a step-by-step path to understanding and healing:

• Toxic Family Dynamics: Uncover the patterns of the Narcissistic Mother, the Control Freak, the Competitive Mother, and others who create a legacy of pain and emotional neglect.
• Overcoming Emotional Damage: Learn the self-help techniques Dr. Forward has developed to help countless women reclaim their lives and break free from anxiety, depression, and self-doubt.
• Rebuilding Self-Respect: Discover how to act in your own best interests, rebuild your confidence, and stop the cycle of damaging relationship problems.
• A Path to Healing: Filled with compelling case histories, this book offers the emotional support and tools you need to finally feel worthy of love and happiness.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062204363
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	10/21/2014
Pages:	304
Product dimensions:	5.20(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Susan Forward, PhD, was an internationally renowned therapist, lecturer, and author. Her books include the number one New York Times bestsellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents, as well as Betrayal of Innocence, Obsessive Love, Emotional Blackmail, When Your Lover Is a Liar, and Toxic In-Laws. In addition to her private practice, she served widely as a therapist, instructor, and consultant in numerous Southern California psychiatric and medical facilities. She appeared on hundreds of television and radio shows, and hosted her own nationally syndicated program on ABC talk radio for six years. Though Susan passed in 2020, she has left a lasting legacy.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part I Identifying the Mother Wound

1 The Taboo of Questioning Your Mother's Love: "Don't you dare say anything had about your mother." 13

2 The Severely Narcissistic Mother: "But what about me?" 24

3 The Overly Enmeshed Mother: "You are my whole life." 51

4 The Control Freak Mother: "Because I said so." 69

5 Mothers Who Need Mothering: "I depend on you to take care of everything." 87

6 Mothers Who Neglect, Betray, and Batter: "You're always causing trouble." 105

Part II Healing the Mother Wound

7 The Beginnings of Truth: "I'm starting to see it wasn't all my fault." 139

8 Acknowledging the Painful Feelings: "It feels so good to get it all out." 156

9 Tapping the Wisdom in Your Anger and Grief: "I'm ready to face the feelings I've pushed down for so long." 171

10 Change Your Behavior, Change Your Life: "I see that change is really hard, but not changing is harder." 192

11 Setting Boundaries: "I would never have believed I had the right to say no." 206

12 Deciding What Kind of Relationship You Want Now: "I finally feel like an adult." 222

13 The Most Difficult Decision: "It's come down to a choice between my mother and my well-being." 242

14 Old, Sick, or Alone: The Suddenly Dependent Mother: "I have to be there for her. After all, she is still my mother." 253

Coda: Connecting, at Last, with the Good Mother 263

Acknowledgments 271

Suggested Reading 273

Index 275

Editorial Reviews

“I know so many women who will feel enormously grateful for Mothers Who Can’t Love, and rightly so. This thoughtful and thorough book will validate their feelings and their stories, and even more important will offer invaluable and empowering wisdom for how to cope with the damage and heal themselves and even in many cases heal their relationships with their mothers. The women who need this book know who they are, and for them it is a must read.” - Mira Kirshenbaum, author of I Love You but I Don't Trust You and Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
“I know so many women who will feel enormously grateful for Mothers Who Can’t Love, and rightly so. This thoughtful and thorough book will validate their feelings and their stories, and even more important will offer invaluable and empowering wisdom.” - Mira Kirshenbaum, author of I Love You but I Don't Trust You and Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
“Once again Susan Forward has identified an important issue that has been calling out for her expertise and unique perspective. This landmark book is powerful, accessible and extremely supportive - just what women need! Her case examples are riveting, her techniques are brilliant and her wisdom is poignant.” - Beverly Engel, author of Healing Your Emotional Self and The Nice Girl Syndrome
“A useful challenge to accepted wisdom about the normally taboo subject of mother love, with helpful tips on how to jump-start the healing process.” - Kirkus Reviews
“A riveting, compassionate guide to helping women transcend the wounds inflicted by their rejecting or abusive mothers.” - Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., author of How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To
“Susan Forward has saved millions of lives with her profound wisdom that children raised by abusive parents need not “forgive and forget” to heal and move on to happy, healthy lives. Mothers Who Can’t Love enables daughters who were taught to blame themselves for their lifelong sense of failure, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and inability to see clearly--that none of the pain they endured was ever their fault! And that all too many mothers are simply unable to love. A powerful guide to self healing.” - Carole H. Brower, Distinguished Research Professor, Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, UCLA
“Susan Forward has saved millions of lives with her profound wisdom that children raised by abusive parents need not “forgive and forget” to heal and move on to happy, healthy lives. . . . A powerful guide to self healing.” - Carole H. Brower, Research Professor, Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, UCLA
“Forward validates the reader’s feelings and presents effective coping mechanisms, offering suggestions on setting boundaries, negotiating for a better relationship, [and] being assertive . . . Highly recommended.” - Library Journal (starred review)

From the Publisher