You Say More Than You Think: A 7-Day Plan for Using the New Body Language to Get What You Want!

You Say More Than You Think: A 7-Day Plan for Using the New Body Language to Get What You Want!

by Janine Driver, Mariska van Aalst

Paperback(Reprint)

$14.39 $15.99 Save 10% Current price is $14.39, Original price is $15.99. You Save 10%.
View All Available Formats & Editions
Choose Expedited Shipping at checkout for guaranteed delivery by Thursday, February 20
MARKETPLACE
62 New & Used Starting at $1.99

Overview

Now You’re Talking!
Do you want to be bulletproof at work, secure in your relationship, and content in your own skin? If so, it’s more important than ever to be aware of what your body is saying to the outside world. Unfortunately, most of what you’ve heard from other body language experts is wrong, and, as a result, your actions may be hurting, not helping, you.
 
With sass and a keen eye, media favorite Janine Driver teaches you the skills she used every day to stay alive during her fifteen years as a body-language expert at the ATF. Janine’s 7-day plan and her 7-second solutions teach you dozens of body language fixes to turn any interpersonal situation to your advantage. She reveals methods here that other experts refuse to share with the public, and she debunks major myths other experts swear are fact: 

Giving more eye contact is key when you’re trying to impress someone.
Not necessarily true. It’s actually more important where you point your belly button. This small body shift communicates true interest more powerfully than constant eye contact.

The “steeple” hand gesture will give you the upper hand during negotiations and business meetings. Wrong. Driver has seen this overbearing gesture backfire more often than not. Instead, she suggests two new steeples that give you power without making you seem overly aggressive: the Basketball Steeple and the A-OK Two-Fingered Steeple.

Happy people command power and attention by smiling just before they meet new people.
Studies have shown that people who do this are viewed as Beta Leaders. Alpha leaders smile once they shake your hand and hear your name. 
 
At a time when every advantage counts—and first impressions matter more than ever—this is the book to help you really get your message across.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780307453983
Publisher: Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale
Publication date: 01/04/2011
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 133,743
Product dimensions: 5.10(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

JANINE DRIVER is the founder and president of the Body Language Institute, located in Washington, DC.  She is also a body language and deception detection expert and certified business coach who has appeared on NBC’s Today, ABC’s Good Morning America, The Rachael Ray Show, and Larry King Live. Janine travels the globe speaking to the corporate world on the fastest way to save time and grow business. Visit her online at lyintamer.com.

Read an Excerpt

ONE

The New Body Language: What I'll Tell You That Other Experts Won't

"If language was given to men to conceal their thoughts, then gesture's purpose was to disclose them."–John Napier (1550 – 1617), Hands

One afternoon, after a deadly shoot-out at a Richmond, California, hamburger stand, a young woman was found cowering under a car. The woman turned out to be a terrified cousin of the recently deceased. She told the investigator she’d greeted her cousin with a quick, “Hey, cuz,” at the hamburger stand and started to walk around the building to go to the bathroom. Then she’d heard a loud noise and immediately dove under a car for refuge. Did you see the shooter? the investigator wondered. No, she said, I’m sorry, but I didn’t see who shot my cousin.

The investigator suspected that there was more to the story, so he brought in J. J. Newberry, Truth Wizard. (No, really—that’s actually his title. A Truth Wizard is a person who’s been scientifically proven to detect lies accurately at least 80 percent of the time. As the number one human lie detector in the world, J. J.’s rate is over 90 percent.)

The stakes were high. The suspect, One-Eyed Marvin, was a known drug dealer who’d been terrorizing the area with drive-by shootings, pipe bombings, and targeted hits on competing cocaine dealers—and their children, innocent bystanders, or anyone unfortunate enough to witness his crimes.

J. J. walked into the interview room very deliberately. He gave the young woman a firm handshake, then faced her directly but with a laid-back demeanor. He started with some small talk, to make her feel at ease. While he maintained an open pose, he asked a lot of questions, listening with his ears and, even more important, with his eyes.

After establishing rapport, J. J. asked the young woman to explain what happened the night of the incident. She repeated the same story she had told the first investigator:

“I said hello to my cousin who was at the hamburger stand and walked toward the corner of the building to go the bathroom. I heard a loud sound. I dove under a car to hide. And that’s where the police found me, just ask them.”

J. J. didn’t interrupt her or finish her sentences. He simply let her speak. When she was done, J. J. used a friendly but curious voice. “I’ve been to that hamburger stand,” he said. “And there’s no bathroom behind there.”

“No, I went back there to squat down,” she replied. “Everyone does it.”

J. J. had, of course, already known that people went behind that building to do their business; he wanted to see if she would tell him the truth. J. J. was analyzing her baseline behavior: her tone of voice, rhythm of speaking, hand gestures, stance, and posture. Any time that she deviated from her normal behavior, he could ask her specific open-ended questions to get her to reveal the truth. At that point J. J. asked her an odd question: “Did you sense a pending fear of danger?”

“What?” she asked, confused.

J. J. repeated the question. “When you saw your cousin at the hamburger stand, did you sense a pending fear of danger?”

She confidently responded, “No, not at all.”

J. J. stood up. “Okay, that’s all I wanted to know.” But while making his way out of the room, J. J. abruptly pounded his fist on the desk behind the young woman. She immediately whipped her head around, toward the sound, to see what was going on.

Just as Colombo himself would have done, J. J. looked right at her and said, “See what you just did? You turned your head toward the sound to see if you were in any kind of danger. Everyone who hears an unexpected burst of sound instinctively looks to see where it’s coming from, in order to know if they are in imminent danger. Then they determine where to run.”

He looked her even more directly in the eye. “And just as you turned to look at me, you looked toward your cousin when he was shot, and you saw the shooter, didn’t you?”

Immediately the young woman burst into tears. “Yes . . . yes, I did,” she whimpered. “One-Eyed Marvin killed my cousin . . . with a machine gun.”

J. J. moved toward her and immediately hugged his new witness. “It’s okay. I know you’re afraid, but it’s okay. We’ll take care of you. Just tell us the truth.”

J. J. Newberry’s primary secret ingredient during that interview, and every interview he does, is confidence. He has tapped so thoroughly into his innate body language skills that he knows how to establish rapport with anyone. When you have that kind of easy, comfortable rapport with people, they let down their guard. You can see how they really think, how they really react, so you can adjust your body language to their unconscious preferences. Just like that, they’ll start to trust you automatically.

J. J. uses this process to convince people to just tell the truth. You can use this process in much the same way—to get to the bottom of any story, to stay in control of any situation, even to influence people to do what you’d like them to do. You’ll start with your own instincts and strengthen them with the strategies in this book. You’ll develop an entire repertoire of skills to respond to any situation and subtly retain the upper hand, no matter which way things go.

What you will not do is memorize a series of positions and gestures. The New Body Language is so much richer than that.

7 Myths of the Old Body Language

Now, what would have happened had J. J. gone into that interrogation room like a car salesman at the end of the fiscal year, eager to make the next sale? Maybe his mug plastered with a fake grin, manic energy level, overly firm handshake, intense eye contact, speaking quickly, maybe even steepling his hands (a notorious hand gesture for “powerful people”)?

I’ll tell you what would have happened: he would have looked desperate and insincere, and most likely would have destroyed his credibility.

While all of these signals are on the Old Body Language list of powerful or influential signals, none of them would help him in this situation. J. J. knew he would be better served if he telegraphed empathy and self-confidence by using relaxed facial expressions, little body movement, fewer gestures, and a slower and lower manner of speaking. Yet during job interviews, sales negotiations, and first dates from Los Angeles to New York City, would-be successful leaders make this colossal mistake every day. Flipping through a compendium of body language, they’ve mixed up their own little concoction of “success” signals: a wide stance here, a dash of power gestures there, a brief touch here, and a full cup of eye contact there. But what they don’t realize is that the clustering of too many power gestures at once, or even one wrong move used at the wrong time, will likely harm, if not ruin, your chances for your desired outcome.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you thought you knew something about body language but somehow you sabotaged your success, either with subconscious messages you sent to others or by misinterpreting another person’s signals?

If so, you’re not alone. That’s one of the primary reasons I wrote this book—to help people learn how to integrate their interpretation and execution of body language signals, so they all come together in a seamless, natural, fluid way, without resorting to any of the awkward robotics of the Old Body Language. The “insert signal A into situation B” approach is not effective—this myth gets a lot of press but, unfortunately, it’s not true. And it’s only one of several Old Body Language myths.

Myth #1: Reading body language signals can help you read minds. If you’ve watched TV lately, or opened up a celebrity magazine in the last five years, you’ve no doubt been bombarded with split-second body language analysis of political figures, pop stars, even little kids. Listening to these analyses, you might be convinced there are absolute meanings behind every move we make—that all you have to do is simply learn to interpret a handful of body language signals and you, too, can be a mind reader.

This makes my bullsh*t detector go insane. I have a rule that anytime I do a body language analysis of a photograph, I have to see a minimum of twenty other images of the person. That’s the only way I can see if his behavior is unusual and telling or if it is entirely normal for him. I never say, “This body language signal means . . .” I always say, “It could be perceived as this.” Because every body language “rule” has exceptions.

Table of Contents

Introduction Without Saying a Word, You Say More Than You Think 1

1 The New Body Language: What I'll Tell You That Other Experts Won't 11

2 Day 1: Walk in Their Shoes 37

3 Day 2: Master the Belly Button Rule 65

4 Day 3: Work Your Naughty Bits and Other Lower Extremities 77

5 Day 4: Move to the Right Side 99

6 Day 5: Tune Up Your Power Gestures 115

7 Day 6: Put Your Best Face Forward 139

8 Day 7: The OWQ, Formula and Other Advanced Techniques 165

9 All Together, Now: A New Attitude 185

10 The Final Word: Finding Garcia 201

Bonus Text the Body Reader: 7-Second Fixes for Any Situation 204

Appendix Create Your Own Body Language Power Team 213

Selected References 215

Acknowledgments 217

Index 223

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See All Customer Reviews

You Say More Than You Think 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 71 reviews.
mrbookman More than 1 year ago
I have read pretty much every book written on body language at least in English. This book is out of the ballpark! The amount of information this book provides and the way this book helps you determine problems with your personal body language and fix them, is simply unsurpassed. It turns out, that much of the information we have heard from others is actually bogus. "Base-lining" is a concept that has been tossed around in different fields but I really believe that it is most important when related to body language. As you learn to base line people you will pick up on those uncomfortable moments where you know that the other person is either telling the truth or being deceitful, giving you the upper hand in most any situation. This book is very well written and is easy to comprehend especially if you are a beginner. It is also full of quick and easy fixes to many of the problems a lot of us face with our personal body language. Being able to detect and fix these problems has the potential to change your life. I would strongly recommend this book to anyone looking for change in your life, or if you are just looking for a great, easy and fun read!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a book that can make a huge difference to our personal and professional life, no matter what we do for a living. Other body language books I have read take decoding body language to an extreme and almost come across as mind readers. In this book the author breaks commonly believed myths about the topic, like our eyes go in a certain direction when we lie, and challenges the reader to look at themselves first before reading others. If you are looking for change in your life, or you simply want a great easy, fun read, BUY THIS BOOK!
bloo-berry More than 1 year ago
I never really bought into the whole "body language" thing until I attended a lecture in college. I started to become interested and quickly became a huge fan on Janine Driver. I've been fortunate to see her DVDs and "You Say More Than You Think" is superb. Her quick sense of humor and strong intelligence on body language really shines through making this a captivating, and educational read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love the way it is written and have already learned so much!! The 7 myths of body language were really helpful.. Cant wait to start baselining!!
StepanBandera More than 1 year ago
I first heard about Janine during her segment on body language on the Discovery Channel. When I found out she was coming out with a book I was very excited. I purchased the book here on Amazon and received it in the mail yesterday. Although it is meant to be read as a 7 day plan, I was so sucked into it that I read the whole thing in one day (its like the pages turned themselves). Unlike other body language books, it is written in a easy to understand manner and this is what makes it such a great read. I was astonished at how much I thought I knew about body language from reading other body language books compared to what I really knew and the knowledge I have gained from this one. Its is great how Janine discusses the many things about body language that are misconceptions or as she calls them, myths. Its definitely the right book for you if you want to better your interpersonal skills while at the same time building confidence. Now I will go back and reread it and follow the 7-Day program (the way I should have done from the beginning).
RemmyB More than 1 year ago
I was browsing through the isles and was intreguied with the synopsis- "A 7 day plan for using the new body language to get what you want." How can i use my body to, let's say, get a raise at work? I sat in a corner to scan over the text, and 30 minutes later I was so deep into it I couldn't bare to put it down! Janine is so informative, inspiring, and funny. It's a great book that honestly will suite everyone's different needs. I purchased a copy for myself and for my brother. Only reading the book for 30 minutes, I could see how easy it is to make little adjustments to how we think, act, and carry ourselves. Well done Janine!
ReadBusiness More than 1 year ago
Janine was the keynote at my organization's conference a few years back. After seeing her speak, I've started gain a real interest in body language. Out of all the books and information I have read or seen, this is definitely one of the best. After purchasing it a few days ago and reading through it, I've found a large amount of simple but surprising tips and tricks. One of my favorites is the the belly button rule, it helps me read other people im interacting with, while at the same time helping me focus my attention on the person I'm talking to. After reading the book, I have come to find that I may have been sending a lot of the wrong signals with my body position, the rules and other information gathered from the book has started to change my interactions with people.
Sales_Trainee_To_Fan More than 1 year ago
Janine Driver did a trained our sales and marketing team at AOL and Platform A. I've been a fan ever since and was so excited when this book came out. The strategies in the book are ones I have used immediately to make an impact in my professional and personal life, save time and get new business. I'm at day 4 and the people around me at work have already noticed a change. This book is a must read for those that want the competitive edge in business and life!
GwenStevens More than 1 year ago
There are several things that should be said about this book. The first of which is that it has the potential to change your life, but only if you allow it to. Janine came to my company a few months back for an event, and was the keynote speaker. She lit the place up, turned a learning experience into a fun one. She did the same with this book! I am normally very hesitant toward anything to do with self-help but after working through this book, I can see the changes in my daily life. I would recommend this book to anyone whether you are a beginner or an expert, there is somthing in this book for everyone!!!
SingleMom More than 1 year ago
This was one of the most interactive reads I have ever experienced. I knew Janine was a person that gets you motivated and interested because I saw her speak at a corporate event in Boston. However, I didnt think anyone could write a book that had the same energy as she had at the event. This book has great potential to change your life! Everyone should have copy if they really want to understand thier body language without having to read textbooks. Definitely RECOMMENDED!! A+
BookExpert More than 1 year ago
Saw Janine speak at an event last fall, was immediately intrigued. When I found out she was coming out with a book, I had high expectations. All those expectations were met and even surpassed, baselining and the belly button rule are simple but at the same time full of substance. Going to be using the things I gained from this book for the rest of my life! Buy this book, don't let this opportunity pass you by!!
KateNYC83 More than 1 year ago
I received this book from my father (who considers himself somewhat of a body language expert). At first I was not sure if I wanted to read the book because other Body Language books he had given me in the past were quite dry. To my surprise, Janine's book was the complete opposite! While reading the book, the pages seemed to turn themselves. The way the book is written and its general layout ties the reader to the information and every day life. This was a great read and I learned so much about myself and my personal body language. If you are looking to buy a book for someone as a gift, this is it!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
There is a lot that needs to be said about this book. What I like the most was that it wasn't all just facts (like a lot of other books, that will not be mentioned), I felt like I was constantly interacting with the material. There are a lot of simple facts that all of us should know. I thought it was interesting how Janine debunked major myths that other "experts" swear are fact. Recommend this book to anyone that needs a change from the ordinary and wants to learn to better take advantage of interpersonal communication.
CaliGirl76 More than 1 year ago
This has to be one of the most well written books in this genre! So its no surprise that it got on the New York Times Bestsellers List.. Right from the start the reader just gets excited and filled with energy. Following the program is nice and easy, while the growth you go through as a social human being is threefold. I am just astonished at the amount of information compressed into this 240 page book! Recommended for all levels body language "experts/beginners"!
taho More than 1 year ago
I just received my copy in last week and I am hooked! I was expecting it to be like other educational books filled with complex jargon and an overwhelming amount of information. I was delighted when I saw easy to read charts and pictures incorporated throughout the book. I also love Janine's natural comedic personality throughout the book. I am laughing and learning my way to becoming a body language expert!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
After reading all the reviews already posted, there is not much I can say without repeating others. However, I do have to agree with pretty much everything that has been said, this book has taught me so much, I wish I could meet the author in person. MrBookman, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth (or keyboard) with your review! I recommend this book to anyone who can read, no matter how young/old, gender.. etc.
J9SID3 More than 1 year ago
First of all, Janine driver is so good at what she does. She is incredibly talented in teaching you how you can improve the way you react to situations in all areas of your life from your career to your personal life. In chapter 3 she discusses the "belly button rule" and I did not realize how important it is to be able to identify and apply this rule to my own life. Since reading this book, my dating life has sky rocketed! I didn't realize I was keeping men away by sitting facing towards the bar rather then facing out! Thank you Janine Driver for your help!!! I hope you will come out with another book soon!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If youre not familiar with subject, this will be very easy to read and understand. Picked it up out of curiosity and didnt put it down till it was finished. This isnt so much a review as it is a suggestion to to the people who showed up to read the reviews . Unless you're an expert in this field...you will learn something. I started reading this to learn about others and ended up learning more about myself. After all, how will you know what makes you happy if you dont know yourself? My suggestion? Take a chance, youll be better for it. Cheers.
Dancing-Man92 More than 1 year ago
Book is very informative, especially for us "Old body language" readers. There is plenty of information that is directly applicable to everyday life. She has a number of exercises at the end of each chapter for you to test your body language skills. The only grip I had was the book was very, very difficult for me to get through. Not a problem with the book so much as with me completing the book right? Do not get me wrong, the book is extremely informative in BL and I would recommend it to anyone, it is just I had a very hard time getting through it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Everyone should read this book along with Janine's new book, You Can't Lie to Me. I have never been a very observant person, but now I see the importance of paying attention to what people are saying with their bodies as well as their words. Like she writes, you should pay attention not because you are looking for lies, but because you are looking for truth. Her books have made me more confident just like she said they would. Thanks, Janine, for sharing your expertise.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I came across this book while perusing the self-help section and purchased it out of pure curiosity. Little did I know that I would have a hard time putting it down! The book itself is literally a 7-Day plan, which I can only assume meant that it should be read in about 7 days time. However, my fiending curiosity would not allow me to put it down after only a chapter. I finished it in 3 days (unfortunate it took me so long, but I did have work). This book is total mind candy and you'll wonder how you never knew about the skills that you will aquire from it. I would recommend it to anyone who is curious about a whole new world that most of us never knew about, anyone who is frequenting the dating scene, or even to anyone who is just looking for a good read. You won't regre it!